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5 Lies Parents Tell Themselves About Being a “Good Parent”

May 6, 2025 | Leave a Comment

Every parent wants to be a good one. That desire is powerful and, sometimes, painfully heavy. From the moment you hold your child for the first time, the mental checklist begins: keep them safe, help them grow, meet their needs, and never mess up. It’s no wonder that many parents end up setting impossible standards for themselves, especially in an age where every scroll through social media feels like a side-by-side comparison.

But here’s the truth: a lot of what we think defines a “good parent” is rooted in subtle, harmful lies we tell ourselves. These lies aren’t intentional. They’re usually picked up from culture, childhood memories, or the fear of judgment. Still, they have a way of making parents feel like they’re constantly falling short—even when they’re doing just fine.

It’s time to expose those lies, not to add more guilt, but to free parents from it.

1. “If I lose my patience, I’ve failed.”

Patience is one of the most celebrated virtues in parenting—and yes, it matters. However, the idea that a good parent never raises their voice, never feels frustrated, or never reaches their emotional limit is unrealistic. You’re a human being, not a robot. You can love your child fiercely and still feel overwhelmed when they’ve asked you the same question ten times or melted down in the grocery store.

Losing your patience doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a human in a high-stress moment. What matters is how you recover. Do you come back, apologize, reconnect? That’s where real parenting power lives. Kids don’t need perfection; they need models for how to repair, reflect, and move forward.

2. “I have to put my child first, always.”

It’s a noble thought and, in the short term, often necessary. But when the idea of putting your child first becomes constant self-erasure, it leads to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion. Parenting doesn’t have to mean disappearing.

You are still a whole person, even after you become a parent. Taking care of yourself—mentally, physically, emotionally—is not selfish. It’s essential. Your child benefits most from a caregiver who is nourished and emotionally available, not someone who’s always running on empty because they think being a good parent means never meeting their own needs.

3. “If my child is struggling, I must be doing something wrong.”

This lie cuts deep. When a child is anxious, acting out, having trouble in school, or going through emotional ups and downs, many parents automatically turn inward and blame themselves. It’s easy to feel like your parenting is somehow defective if your child isn’t thriving every second.

But kids aren’t robots with fixed programming. They’re complex, sensitive individuals who are navigating their own path in a world that can be confusing, overwhelming, and tough. Their struggles don’t automatically mean you’ve failed. In fact, sometimes the best parenting happens in how you show up for them through the hard parts, not in whether you prevented the hard parts in the first place.

4. “A good parent doesn’t need help.”

This one often hides behind pride. Maybe it’s the idea that you should be able to do it all on your own. Maybe it’s fear of judgment if you ask for support. But believing you have to figure everything out by yourself is one of the fastest routes to feeling isolated and inadequate.

Good parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Whether it’s therapy, childcare help, parenting classes, a partner, or simply texting a friend to say, “Today was really hard,” asking for help is a sign of wisdom—not weakness. You were never meant to raise a child alone, and leaning on support doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re showing up in the most real way possible.

5. “I have to enjoy every moment.”

This is one of the most damaging lies because it comes wrapped in guilt and nostalgia. You hear it all the time—“Soak it all in,” “You’ll miss this,” “They grow up too fast.” And while it’s true that the early years are fleeting, that doesn’t mean every moment is magical. Some moments are messy, loud, exhausting, boring, and frustrating.

You’re allowed to love your kids deeply and still not enjoy every second of parenting. You’re allowed to look forward to bedtime. You’re allowed to feel both awe and exhaustion in the same breath. The beauty of parenthood isn’t in pretending every second is a dream. It’s in the resilience, the humor, the messy in-betweens, and the love that keeps showing up anyway.

You Will Mess Up, And You’re Not Alone

Parenting is a journey filled with nuance, contradiction, and emotion. There is no perfect formula, no idealized image to chase. The truth is, being a “good parent” isn’t about never messing up. It’s about showing up, owning your humanity, and choosing connection, even when it’s hard.

Letting go of these five lies doesn’t make you a lesser parent. It makes you a more honest one. And in the long run, honesty is far more powerful than perfection.

Which of these parenting myths do you struggle with most, or which one did you finally let go of?

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Riley Schnepf

Riley is an Arizona native with over nine years of writing experience. From personal finance to travel to digital marketing to pop culture, she’s written about everything under the sun. When she’s not writing, she’s spending her time outside, reading, or cuddling with her two corgis.

9 Newborn Struggles That Catch First-Time Parents Off Guard

May 6, 2025 | Leave a Comment

You prepare for the diapers. You prepare for the sleepless nights. You read the books, ask the questions, and buy the swaddles with the best reviews. But no matter how ready you think you are, bringing home a newborn has a way of pulling the rug out from under your feet.

First-time parents quickly learn that the early days of newborn life come with a steep learning curve. It’s not just about keeping a tiny human alive. It’s about adapting to a new rhythm that no schedule, checklist, or parenting class can truly replicate. The reality often looks different than the Instagram snapshots or the stories your relatives tell with nostalgia-laced filters. It’s wonderful, yes, but it’s also overwhelming, disorienting, and exhausting in ways that don’t always get discussed.

Here are nine struggles that consistently catch first-time parents off guard, so if you’re in the thick of it, you know you’re not the only one.

1. The First Few Nights Are Nothing Like the Hospital

There’s something surreal about those first nights at home. In the hospital, there are nurses, constant support, and a sense of safety. Once you get home, that support vanishes, and suddenly, it’s just you and a newborn who doesn’t come with instructions. The quiet feels louder. Every sound your baby makes seems urgent. Every silence feels suspicious. Many new parents admit they didn’t sleep at all that first night—not because the baby was fussy, but because they were too anxious to close their eyes.

2. Feeding Doesn’t Always Go Smoothly

Whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed, feeding can be far more stressful than you expected. Some babies don’t latch right away. Some fall asleep mid-feed. Some struggle with gas or reflux. And many parents find themselves doubting if their baby is getting enough, even when everything is going fine. The pressure to “get it right” is heavy, especially when you’re sleep-deprived, and your hormones are still crashing. Learning to feed your baby is a process, not a switch that flips the moment you deliver.

3. The Sleep Deprivation Hits Harder Than You Think

You know you’ll be tired. Everyone tells you that. But the level of fatigue that comes with caring for a newborn—especially in the first few weeks—is a different kind of exhaustion. It’s not just about the lack of sleep but the constant vigilance. The startles. The 2 a.m. Googling. The inability to fall back asleep because you’re replaying the last feeding in your mind. The sleep deprivation isn’t just physical. It’s mental, emotional, and deeply cumulative.

4. Newborns Make Scary Noises

Nobody tells you how noisy newborns actually are. They grunt. They squeak. They wheeze and hiccup and make sounds that seem like something is terribly wrong. Many first-time parents panic over what turns out to be totally normal newborn behavior. It takes time to learn which sounds are worth worrying about and which ones are just part of your baby adjusting to life outside the womb.

5. Diapering Isn’t Just Diapering

Changing a diaper sounds simple until you’re doing it for the fifth time in an hour with a baby who won’t stop wiggling. Then there’s diaper rash. Blowouts. Umbilical cord care. And the realization that you’re now deeply invested in someone else’s bowel movements. It’s not hard, but it is constant. And it can become surprisingly emotional when you’re already overwhelmed and unsure of what’s normal.

6. You May Not Feel That “Overwhelming Joy” Right Away

There’s a lot of pressure to feel blissed out with love the moment your baby is born. But sometimes, those feelings take time to build. For many parents, especially mothers recovering from birth, those first few days are a haze of pain, adrenaline, and sheer survival. If you’re not immediately head over heels, you’re not broken. You’re adjusting. Love doesn’t always arrive in a flood. It often grows in quiet moments.

7. Your Baby Might Cry for No Reason

There will be times when you’ve fed, changed, rocked, bounced, shushed, and paced the floor—only to have your baby continue crying. It’s one of the most helpless feelings in the world. And while there are techniques that can help, sometimes babies cry simply because they’re babies. You’re not failing. You’re not missing something. You’re just in the middle of one of the hardest parts of newborn life.

8. Your Relationship With Your Partner Might Shift

You’re both exhausted. You’re both trying your best. But when you’re operating on three hours of sleep and high stress, even little things—like how someone folds the burp cloth—can turn into big arguments. The dynamics change quickly, and it’s easy to feel disconnected. This is normal. What matters most is communication, empathy, and remembering that you’re on the same team.

9. You’ll Question Yourself Constantly

Even with all the preparation in the world, nothing prepares you for how deeply you’ll question every decision. Should you let them nap longer? Are they too hot? Too cold? Should you call the pediatrician? It can feel like a constant mental loop of second-guessing and self-doubt. But here’s the truth: the fact that you’re worrying at all means you’re already doing better than you think. Instinct and confidence come with time. Give yourself grace.

You’re Not Alone

The newborn stage is one of the most raw, vulnerable, and transformative chapters in a parent’s life. It’s beautiful, yes—but also gritty and unpredictable. And if you find yourself struggling, confused, or overwhelmed, you are not alone. Every new parent walks this path with their own set of surprises, setbacks, and sweet, fleeting moments of joy.

What was the most surprising part of the newborn stage for you, or what do you wish someone had told you ahead of time?

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Riley Schnepf

10 Mistakes Parents Make When Kids Are Anxious

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

When your child is anxious, your instinct as a parent is to make it go away as quickly as possible. You want to comfort them, fix it, and restore peace. But in trying to protect them from discomfort, many parents accidentally do the opposite. Instead of easing anxiety, they may unknowingly reinforce it.

Anxiety in kids isn’t always loud or obvious. It can look like avoidance, stomachaches, clinginess, or even anger. And if you’re not sure how to respond, it’s easy to fall into well-meaning patterns that don’t help long-term.

Here are 10 common mistakes parents make when their kids are anxious and what to do instead.

Mistake 1: Trying to Eliminate All Anxiety

It’s natural to want your child to feel calm and confident. But if your main goal is to make all anxiety disappear, you might be setting both of you up for failure. Anxiety is part of being human. Trying to erase it completely teaches kids it’s something to fear or avoid when, in reality, they need to learn how to live with it.

What helps more is teaching your child that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. It passes. It doesn’t have to control their choices.

Mistake 2: Avoiding All Triggers

It might feel like good parenting to let your child skip the birthday party, speech, or sleepover that makes them anxious. However, repeated avoidance teaches their brain that anxiety is solved by escape. Over time, their comfort zone shrinks, and their fear grows.

The better path is slow exposure. Encourage them to face small pieces of what scares them while you offer reassurance and celebrate progress.

Mistake 3: Reassuring Them Over and Over

You may find yourself saying, “You’ll be fine,” or “There’s nothing to worry about” more times than you can count. But constant reassurance often becomes a crutch. Instead of learning to tolerate uncertainty, your child becomes dependent on being told things are okay.

Eventually, you’ll need to shift from reassurance to coaching, helping them develop internal tools to manage their worries instead of always looking to you.

Mistake 4: Taking Over the Situation

When kids panic, it’s tempting to step in and fix everything—talk to the teacher, cancel the event, or handle the problem yourself. But doing this too often sends the message: “You can’t handle this on your own.”

Support them, yes. But don’t rush in too quickly. Let them take the lead when possible. Confidence builds not through success alone but through trying, failing, and trying again.

Mistake 5: Punishing the Behavior

Sometimes, anxiety comes out as defiance, tears, or tantrums. And when it disrupts routines, it’s easy to feel frustrated or think your child is just being difficult. However, punishing anxiety-based behavior without understanding its root can backfire.

Instead of discipline, your child likely needs empathy, structure, and tools to regulate their emotions.

Mistake 6: Labeling Them as “Shy” or “Dramatic”

Words stick. If a child constantly hears they’re “just shy” or “so sensitive,” they may begin to believe that’s all they are. Labels can unintentionally reinforce anxiety as part of their identity.

Try to describe behaviors, not define the person. “You’re feeling nervous about speaking in front of the class” is more helpful than “You’ve always been shy.”

Mistake 7: Not Managing Your Own Anxiety

Kids are deeply intuitive. If you’re visibly anxious about their anxiety, they’ll pick up on it. They might even feel responsible for your emotions, which adds pressure.

The best way to support an anxious child is to stay calm yourself. When they see you navigating stress with steadiness, it becomes a model they can follow.

Mistake 8: Expecting Them to “Just Get Over It”

Growth takes time. While it’s good to challenge your child, expecting instant change or pushing too hard can create more fear and shame. Kids need patience. They need space to move through anxiety at their own pace with encouragement, not pressure.

Consistent, gentle nudges forward tend to work better than frustrated commands to “just do it already.”

Mistake 9: Not Talking About What’s Going On

Some parents avoid discussing anxiety out of fear that it might make things worse. But silence can make kids feel more alone. It can also send the message that their fears are too big or too weird to be talked about.

Open, honest conversations at an age-appropriate level help normalize their experience. You’re not feeding the anxiety by talking about it. You’re showing them it’s okay to feel things and ask for help.

Mistake 10: Waiting Too Long to Get Support

Sometimes, parents wait until anxiety causes major disruption—missed school, physical symptoms, or isolation—before they seek help. But earlier intervention can prevent bigger struggles down the road.

There’s no shame in getting a therapist, counselor, or support group involved. Just like you’d get help for a broken arm, getting help for anxiety is a responsible, loving step—not a failure.

Raising an anxious child can be challenging, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. But with the right tools and a little unlearning of common mistakes, you can create a space where your child feels safe, supported, and empowered to face their fears.

What’s one thing you’ve learned about supporting your child through anxiety that you wish more people knew?

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Riley Schnepf

8 Phrases That Accidentally Break Kids’ Hearts

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

Most parents speak with love in their hearts. But even the most well-meaning words can land in a child’s mind with more weight than we expect. Children are still learning how to interpret tone, language, and emotion. And often, the things adults say casually, out of stress, habit, or frustration, can hit harder than we realize.

The truth is, some of the most common phrases used with kids don’t nurture them. They quietly chip away at their self-worth, confuse their emotions, or make them feel unseen. While none of us get it right 100% of the time, becoming more aware of our words is one of the most powerful ways to deepen connection and trust.

Here are eight phrases that often do more harm than good and what to say instead.

“You’re fine.”

This phrase tends to come out when a child is upset, and we want to soothe them quickly. But when kids hear “You’re fine” while they’re visibly crying or anxious, it sends a mixed message. It tells them that their feelings are either wrong or too inconvenient to acknowledge.

Instead, try: “You’re safe. I’m here. Want to tell me what’s going on?” You’re still offering reassurance, but without dismissing how they feel.

“Because I said so.”

In the moment, this may seem like a way to end the conversation. But it doesn’t teach kids anything about the reasoning behind rules or decisions. It can make children feel powerless, especially when they’re seeking clarity or connection.

A better option is to calmly explain your thinking in a few words. Even a short, honest reason gives them something to learn from. “We’re leaving now because it’s getting late, and your body needs rest” can go a long way in helping kids feel respected.

“Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?”

Comparisons don’t motivate. They wound. Even if your intention is to inspire better behavior, this kind of comment usually stirs up shame, resentment, or competition between siblings. It can make a child feel they’ll never be enough on their own terms.

What helps more is focusing on your child’s individual growth. “I know this isn’t easy for you, but I see you trying” is more encouraging and builds self-worth, not rivalry.

“You’re being so dramatic.”

This one often comes out when a child is melting down over something that seems minor to us. But for kids, big emotions feel big. Dismissing their reaction doesn’t help them regulate. It just teaches them their feelings are too much or embarrassing.

Instead, try validating the feeling even if you don’t agree with the reaction. “That really upset you, huh?” opens the door to conversation instead of shutting it down.

“If you don’t stop, I’m leaving without you.”

Threats tied to abandonment, even empty ones, can be especially scary to young kids. While you may mean it as a tactic to hurry them along, what they hear is: I could be left behind.

A gentler approach might be: “We need to go now. How can I help you get ready faster?” It keeps your tone firm but supportive, showing you’re still on their team.

“You’re too sensitive.”

Children are born with different temperaments. Some feel everything deeply, and labeling them as “too” anything tells them who they are isn’t acceptable. Over time, they may learn to hide their emotions rather than manage them.

If your child is overwhelmed, offer empathy: “You feel things strongly, and that’s okay. I’m here to help you handle it.” Sensitivity can be a strength when it’s nurtured, not shamed.

“Big boys/girls don’t cry.”

This outdated phrase has harmed generations of kids by suggesting that expressing emotion is weak or immature. Crying is a natural response to pain, frustration, or sadness, and it’s not something to outgrow.

Better yet, say: “It’s okay to cry. Everyone cries sometimes. Let’s breathe together.” This allows your child to feel safe and supported, even in their most vulnerable moments.

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Few words carry more weight than this one. When kids hear it, they often internalize it as “I am a disappointment” rather than “I made a mistake.” It becomes about their identity instead of their behavior.

You can still hold boundaries without shame. Try: “That choice wasn’t okay, and we need to talk about it. But I still love you, no matter what.” Discipline doesn’t have to come at the cost of your child’s self-esteem.

Words shape how children see themselves and the world. While no parent can filter every phrase perfectly, being mindful of how our words land can make a profound difference. A simple change in how we speak can open the door to trust, emotional safety, and lifelong confidence.

What’s a phrase you heard as a child that stuck with you, for better or worse?

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Riley Schnepf

6 Things Every Parent Should Know Before Becoming the Default Parent

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

In every household, there’s often one parent who becomes “the default.” The one who remembers the school picture day. The one who knows which kid is afraid of thunderstorms and which one will only eat pasta with butter. The one who gets called from daycare, organizes playdates, handles doctor appointments, and keeps it all together—until they’re barely holding on.

It’s a role that many fall into without realizing it. Sometimes it’s expected. Sometimes, it’s assumed. But either way, it comes with a silent weight that can take a serious toll.

Before you become the default parent (or if you already are), it’s important to understand what the role really involves, why it matters, and what you can do to protect your sense of self in the process.

It’s Not Just About Who Does More. It’s About Who’s Always “On”

Being the default parent doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing 100% of the work. It means you’re carrying the invisible load. You’re the one anticipating needs before they arise. You know the babysitter’s schedule, the kid’s favorite snack, and how many diapers are left without even checking.

This kind of mental labor is constant and often goes unnoticed. Even if your partner helps out, the emotional energy of always being the one “on call” takes a toll that’s hard to measure but very real.

It Can Slowly Erode Your Identity If You’re Not Careful

When you’re the go-to for everything, it’s easy to lose sight of where your role ends and you begin. You may stop doing the things that used to bring you joy or feel like you’re on autopilot, existing solely to manage the family machine.

The more invisible your labor becomes, the more your identity gets swallowed by your responsibilities. That’s why it’s crucial to carve out space for yourself, not just for self-care, but to remember who you are outside of parenting.

Your Resentment Is a Signal, Not a Failure

If you feel burnt out, touched out, or frustrated that everything falls on your shoulders, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It means your current situation is unsustainable.

Resentment is a clue that something needs to change, not proof that you’re failing. The sooner you listen to that signal, the sooner you can start having honest conversations and rebalancing the load.

Kids Notice More Than You Think

Children are incredibly perceptive. They might not understand the emotional complexity of what’s happening, but they can tell when one parent is always available and the other isn’t. This can subtly shape how they view emotional labor, caregiving, and gender roles as they grow.

Modeling healthy boundaries and shared responsibility teaches your children that parenting is a team effort and that no one person should have to carry the whole burden alone.

Communication With Your Partner Matters. A Lot

Many default parents assume their partner just should know what needs to be done. But the reality is mental loads are invisible unless they’re talked about.

Having open conversations about who handles what, how you’re feeling, and what kind of support you need can prevent a lot of future resentment. You don’t need to ask for help like a guest. You need to divide labor like a team.

You Deserve to Be More Than the Family’s Safety Net

Being the default parent often means you’re the emotional cushion everyone falls back on. But who’s catching you?

You deserve breaks, rest, hobbies, dreams, and uninterrupted sleep. You deserve to feel like your needs matter, too. The household doesn’t run smoother when one parent burns out. It functions best when both parents feel seen, supported, and respected.

Taking on the default parent role without clear communication or balance can drain even the most devoted caregiver. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Awareness, boundaries, and honest dialogue can go a long way toward redistributing the emotional and physical workload and ensuring you don’t disappear under it.

Have you ever found yourself in the default parent role?

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Riley Schnepf

When Kids Seem Out of Control: Signs It’s More Than “Just Hyper”

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

We’ve all done it—laughed off our child’s wild energy, blamed a meltdown on too much sugar, or explained away nonstop movement with a shrug and a “they’re just high-energy.” And sometimes, that’s absolutely true. But there’s a point where the chaos stops being typical—and starts being a cry for help.

The truth is, some kids are naturally more spirited. But others are struggling underneath that energy, reacting to a brain or body that isn’t quite in sync with the world around them. And the signs that something deeper is going on? They’re often easy to miss—or easy to excuse.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your child’s “hyper” behavior might actually be a red flag, here’s what to look for.

They Can’t Seem to Turn “Off”

All kids get the zoomies. But when your child truly can’t stop, even when asked, even when it’s dangerous, even when they’re visibly exhausted, that’s not just energy. It’s dysregulation. You may notice they’re constantly moving: running into things, climbing what shouldn’t be climbed, even injuring themselves without seeming to care. These kids aren’t ignoring the rules. Their brains are struggling to process boundaries, danger, and self-control.

You might see teachers getting frustrated. Other parents might stop inviting your child over. And while everyone else assumes they’re “just wild,” you’re starting to wonder why your child seems compelled to keep going, no matter the consequences.

Emotional Reactions Seem Way Bigger Than the Situation

If your child falls apart over a broken cookie or the wrong color cup, you might be tempted to label it as drama. But for some kids, a small change in their environment can trigger a huge emotional surge. These aren’t tantrums designed to manipulate. They’re emotional explosions caused by a nervous system that feels overwhelmed.

Transitions can be especially tough. Leaving the house, starting bedtime, or switching from one activity to another might send them into full-blown panic. You’re not dealing with a power struggle. You’re witnessing real distress. And that’s a cue to look deeper.

They Struggle to Play Alone or Focus on Anything

Many children enjoy attention, but if your child can’t play alone, even for a few minutes, it might be more than clinginess. You may notice they bounce from one activity to another, unable to stay with anything. They constantly ask you what to do, get frustrated quickly, and rely on you to guide every step.

This level of dependence can be a sign of executive functioning challenges. These kids aren’t lazy or spoiled. They may truly have a hard time figuring out where to start, what to do next, or how to stay with something long enough to enjoy it.

Nothing Seems to “Work” to Rein in Behavior

You’ve read the parenting books. You’ve tried time-outs, rewards, and logical consequences. Maybe even gentle parenting or a more rigid structure. And nothing seems to stick.

That doesn’t mean you’re failing. It often means your child needs a different approach—one tailored to how their brain works. Kids with ADHD, sensory processing difficulties, or undiagnosed anxiety don’t respond to discipline in the typical way. Their behavior isn’t defiance. It’s communication. When everything feels too loud, too fast, or too confusing, the result is often misbehavior that’s really just a cry for support.

They Know They’re Different, And It Hurts

One of the most heartbreaking signs that something deeper is going on is when your child starts saying things like, “Nobody likes me” or “I always mess up.” These kids notice when they get in trouble more than others, when they’re left out of birthday parties, or when even adults treat them like a problem.

Underneath the hyperactivity or defiance, there’s often a kid who’s deeply aware that they’re not like the others and who desperately wants to be. Ignoring that pain won’t make it go away. But recognizing it is the first step to helping them feel seen, understood, and supported.

You Feel Something’s Off, But Keep Getting Dismissed

Maybe the teachers say, “They’ll grow out of it.” Maybe your partner doesn’t see the problem. Maybe well-meaning friends tell you to just be firmer. But deep down, you know. You live it every day. You feel the tension, the meltdowns, the way everything always feels one step from chaos.

Trust your gut. If you’ve been sensing for a while that your child isn’t just quirky or strong-willed—that they’re struggling—you’re probably right.

What You Can Do Next

Start with your pediatrician. Share specific examples, like the time your child darted into traffic without hesitation or the fact that they’ve had three meltdowns before breakfast every day this week. From there, you can explore whether an evaluation makes sense, either through your child’s school or with a private specialist.

You don’t need a diagnosis overnight. And you definitely don’t need to panic. But you do deserve support, and so does your child. The earlier you get answers, the sooner you can shift from reacting to understanding. And once you understand, everything starts to change.

Have you ever felt dismissed when trying to advocate for your child’s needs? What helped you push through, and what do you wish someone had told you sooner?

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Riley Schnepf

7 Times Saying ‘But They’re Family!’ Led to Huge Regret

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

It’s one of the most common justifications people give for enduring disrespect, betrayal, and abuse: “But they’re family.”

It’s a phrase loaded with guilt and expectation. We use it to excuse bad behavior, overlook clear red flags, and keep toxic people in our lives far longer than we should. Society teaches us that blood is thicker than water, that loyalty to family is sacred, and that cutting ties, no matter how damaging the relationship, is the ultimate taboo.

But here’s the hard truth: being family doesn’t give someone the right to hurt you. In many cases, continuing to give toxic relatives the benefit of the doubt leads to lasting damage—not just for you, but for your partner, kids, finances, and mental health.

Below are seven real-life-inspired scenarios where ignoring bad behavior because “they’re family” led to serious regret. If you’ve been questioning your own boundaries, this list might offer some clarity and maybe even the validation you didn’t know you needed.

1. Trusting the Family Babysitter Who Was “Too Good with Kids”

At first, it seemed like a blessing. Her sister offered to watch the kids for free every week. She brought snacks and games and always said yes to babysitting. But the subtle signs were there—boundary crossing, inappropriate jokes, encouraging secrets between her and the kids. Still, the mom brushed it off. “She’s family. She loves them. I’m overreacting.”

Until her daughter confessed that her aunt made her uncomfortable. Mom’s regret wasn’t just about trusting the wrong person. It was about dismissing her gut for the sake of peace.

Lesson: Family ties don’t make someone safe. Always believe your instincts—and your kids.

2. Adding a Sibling to the House Deed to “Keep It in the Family”

They’d always promised Mom’s house would stay in the family. So when she passed, one sibling offered to co-own the property—“just until things settled.” A year later, the house was sold out from under them.

Turns out, that sibling had quietly refinanced the home, maxed out its equity, and then flipped it without discussion. Because they were on the deed, they didn’t need permission.

Lesson: Sentiment doesn’t protect your assets. Put everything in writing—no matter how close you are.

3. Letting the Uncle with a “Short Fuse” Stay for the Holidays

He always got loud after a few drinks. He had a temper, but “that’s just how he is.” So when he needed a place to stay during the holidays, they welcomed him in for the kids’ sake.

By Christmas Eve, he’d screamed at their 6-year-old for dropping an ornament and punched a hole in the wall during a disagreement about politics.

Lesson: Holidays don’t fix toxicity. If someone’s a danger to your peace, they don’t get a seat at the table.

4. Giving a “Down-on-Her-Luck” Cousin Access to a Joint Account

She needed a place to stay and some help getting back on her feet. It felt cruel to say no. So they let her stay in the guest room and offered access to a joint account to cover groceries. One month later, the account was emptied, credit cards were maxed, and the cousin was nowhere to be found.

Lesson: Compassion doesn’t mean financial self-sacrifice. Help with clear limits or not at all.

5. Inviting the Emotionally Abusive Parent Back Into Your Child’s Life

Years of therapy had created distance and healing. But when the grandparent begged to reconnect with the grandkids, they gave in—“They’re older now. Maybe things will be different.” They weren’t.

Within weeks, the same passive-aggressive guilt trips, backhanded compliments, and manipulation returned. The child, once happy and confident, began having nightmares and panic attacks.

Lesson: If someone traumatizes you, they may traumatize your kids, too. Protect your child like no one protected you.

6. Turning the Other Cheek to the Racist In-Law “Because That’s Just How He Talks”

The jokes started out “harmless.” Then came the comments at dinner. The warnings about who their daughter was dating. Still, everyone urged silence: “Don’t stir the pot. He’s family.” The silence turned into tolerance, and the tolerance turned into harm.

Eventually, the daughter overheard something cruel and decided her family’s acceptance of hate meant she couldn’t trust them either.

Lesson: Every time you excuse hate, you teach the next generation to accept it. Call it out, especially in your own house.

7. Letting the Estranged Parent Walk the Bride Down the Aisle for “Tradition’s Sake”

He hadn’t been around for most of her life. But as the wedding neared, pressure mounted: “He’s still your father.” “You’ll regret not having that moment.” So she gave in.

What followed was a scene-stealing toast, backhanded comments, and weeks of emotional fallout. She spent her honeymoon crying over what should’ve been a joyful day.

Lesson: Traditions aren’t worth your peace. Choose what feels right to you, not what keeps everyone else comfortable.

Family Should Be Safe, Not Sacred

We’re taught that walking away from family is the ultimate betrayal. But sometimes, the real betrayal is staying in relationships that hurt us just to honor a title.

If someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, undermines your confidence, manipulates your emotions, or makes your home feel unsafe. They don’t deserve automatic access to your life, your peace, or your children.

Blood might make you related. But love, respect, and accountability make someone family. You are allowed to choose what family means for you and your kids.

Have you ever ignored red flags because someone was “family”? What helped you finally say enough?

Why Grandparents Shouldn’t Babysit Their Grandkids Every Week – The Unspoken Issue

Riley Schnepf

5 Subtle Ways Narcissistic Parents Hurt Their Grandkids

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

We all want our children to grow up surrounded by love. That often means encouraging relationships with extended family, including your own parents. But what if those parents are narcissistic?

Maybe they don’t yell, criticize, or act outwardly cruelly. In fact, they might be charming, generous, or full of praise, especially when other people are watching. But behind closed doors, their behavior can be deeply manipulative and emotionally damaging. And often, the harm they cause to their grandkids is subtle. You might even miss it at first.

Here’s the truth: narcissistic parents rarely change just because they’ve become grandparents. In many cases, their old patterns—control, guilt, attention-seeking, competition, and boundary-blurring—resurface, only now they’re aimed at your children.

Here are five quiet but powerful ways narcissistic grandparents can negatively affect your child’s emotional health and how to draw the line without the family fallout.

1. They Compete for Your Child’s Affection

At first, it may look like love. Gifts, attention, extra treats, special privileges. But underneath the surface is a subtle message: “I can make you happier than your parents can.” This isn’t about spoiling. It’s about control.

Narcissistic grandparents often treat their grandchild’s affection like a trophy. They want to be the “favorite,” and they’ll compete with you—directly or indirectly—to win it. They might override your rules, downplay your authority, or frame you as the “boring” or “mean” parent.

The child doesn’t see this manipulation. They just feel confused about who to trust. Over time, it can damage your bond and create division in your home.

2. They Use Your Kids to Meet Their Own Emotional Needs

Grandkids should never be emotional caretakers, but narcissistic grandparents often blur that line.

They might treat your child like a “mini therapist,” confiding in them about adult problems. Using guilt to get more attention: “I’m so sad you didn’t call me today,” or “I guess I’m not important to you anymore.” They even position themselves as victims to gain sympathy.

This emotional enmeshment isn’t just inappropriate. It’s harmful. It teaches kids that other people’s happiness is their responsibility. It creates anxiety, guilt, and pressure where love should be free.

3. They Undermine Your Parenting Subtly but Constantly

Narcissistic parents often think they know better than you. And they’ll let your kids know it.

“Your mom’s too strict.”
“Your dad doesn’t understand what kids really need.”
“Grandma would never say no to that.”

Sometimes, it’s said with a wink and a smile. But make no mistake; this is sabotage. It erodes your authority and creates a confusing double standard that makes discipline, routines, and boundaries hard to maintain.

It also teaches your child that rules are optional and that their loyalty should shift depending on who gives them what they want.

4. They Make Your Child Responsible for Their Reputation

Narcissistic grandparents care deeply about appearances. They want to be seen as the “fun one,” the “devoted one,” the “best grandparent ever.” So they’ll pressure your child to perform that role.

Smile for the photo. Say thank you even if you didn’t want the gift. Tell everyone how much fun you had, even if you didn’t.

This can force your child into emotional dishonesty. They learn that being polite matters more than being real. That making an adult look good is more important than speaking up. Over time, this pressure can shut kids down emotionally and make them doubt their instincts.

5. They Ignore Boundaries and Expect Access

Narcissistic grandparents often believe that being “family” means they’re entitled to full, unrestricted access to your child. They may drop by unannounced, press you for alone time, or disregard limits on visits, food, media, or discipline.

If you push back? They might call you controlling and ungrateful or accuse you of keeping the grandkids from them. They’ll frame your boundaries as cruelty and themselves as the victim.

This creates stress for you and tension your kids can feel. It also teaches them that boundaries are “mean” instead of healthy.

How to Protect Your Kids (Without Blowing Up the Family)

Dealing with a narcissistic parent is hard. Doing it while raising children adds another layer of emotional complexity. But it is possible to protect your kids, set limits, and preserve your sanity.

Here’s how to start:

Name the behavior. You don’t have to diagnose them—but privately, get honest with yourself. Recognize the patterns, even if they come with smiles and hugs.
Decide your non-negotiables. What’s most important to you? Respecting rules? Not being emotionally manipulated? Choose a few core boundaries and stick to them.
Limit alone time. Don’t feel obligated to allow unsupervised visits if you’re concerned. Supervision can reduce the opportunity for emotional harm.
Prepare your kids. As they grow, teach them about emotional safety, honesty, and boundaries. Let them know they can talk to you about anything—no matter who it involves.
Give yourself permission. You don’t owe access to someone who continues to harm—even subtly. Protecting your child isn’t overreacting. It’s parenting.

Breaking the Cycle Is Hard But Worth It

You may have spent your whole life navigating your parent’s narcissism. And now, watching it extend to your children is heartbreaking. But here’s the good news: you have more power than you think.

You can break the cycle, set a new example, give your kids the safety, clarity, and love you may not have gotten yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it causes friction.

Your kids are watching. Let them see what healthy love looks like.

Have you dealt with a narcissistic grandparent in your child’s life? What helped you hold your boundaries?

Teaching Your Child That “Family” Doesn’t Mean “Tolerate Abuse”

Riley Schnepf

The Snack Obsession: How It’s Sabotaging Your Kid’s Health

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

If you feel like you spend half your day handing out snacks, you’re not alone. Between breakfast and lunch, there’s a snack. Then another one between lunch and dinner. And don’t forget the post-dinner “I’m still hungry” snack. Modern parenting often feels like managing a 24/7 snack buffet.

And honestly? It starts with good intentions. We want our kids to feel full, happy, and fueled. But somewhere along the way, snack time stopped being helpful and started becoming a health hazard.

Let’s unpack how this obsession with snacking got so out of hand, what it’s actually doing to your child’s body, and how to hit reset without turning every afternoon into a hunger strike.

How Did We Get So Snack-Obsessed?

We’re raising kids in a culture that markets snacks as necessities. Toddler diaper bags are stocked like vending machines. Every preschool pickup ends with “What’s in your snack cup?” And grocery store shelves are overflowing with brightly packaged, sugary, shelf-stable options promising “whole grains” and “natural fruit.” But here’s what we forget: kids didn’t always need snacks every two hours.

A generation ago, snacks were an occasional treat, not a routine. Today, between-school bites, car snacks, bedtime snacks, and sports snacks have become part of the daily rhythm, often in the form of ultra-processed, high-sugar, low-nutrient foods.

And here’s the kicker: many of us feel guilty if we don’t offer snacks, even if our kid isn’t hungry. We worry they’ll crash, have a tantrum, or just feel left out. But that constant access to food comes with hidden costs.

1. It Disrupts Their Natural Hunger Cues

Kids are actually born with an incredible ability to self-regulate hunger. Left to their own devices, most will eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full.

But frequent snacking interferes with that natural rhythm. When food is always available, eating becomes less about hunger and more about habit or boredom.

Over time, this can lead to overeating, even when the body doesn’t need fuel. And when meals roll around, your child might not be hungry for actual food, leading to the classic dinner standoff.

2. Snacks Are Often Just Sugar in Disguise

Take a stroll through the “kids’ snack” aisle, and you’ll see a parade of health buzzwords—organic, gluten-free, whole grain. But flip the box, and you’ll likely find high levels of sugar, salt, and refined carbs–fruit snacks made of mostly corn syrup, yogurt tubes with more sugar than soda, and granola bars with a dessert’s worth of calories.

These kinds of snacks don’t just fail to nourish. They spike blood sugar, lead to energy crashes, and create more cravings. It’s a rollercoaster ride most little bodies (and parents) aren’t built for.

3. They Crowd Out Nutrient-Dense Meals

If your child snacks through the afternoon, they’re less likely to eat real food at dinner. Which often leads to more snacking later. It’s a cycle that keeps actual meals from being the primary source of nutrition.

Many kids end up under-eating protein, vegetables, fiber, and healthy fats because they’re too full from goldfish crackers and applesauce pouches to try chicken and broccoli. The result? Nutritional gaps that show up in everything from mood swings and poor sleep to weak immunity and sluggish energy.

So, What Can You Do Without Triggering a Toddler Uprising?

Let’s be honest: we’re not going to suddenly live in a world without snacks. And that’s okay. Kids have small stomachs and high energy needs. There’s a place for snacks. But we can make small, powerful changes that shift the culture of snacking back to balance.

Try These Smarter Snack Strategies

1. Rethink the Schedule.
Kids generally only need two snacks a day: one mid-morning and one mid-afternoon. If they’re eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner with adequate portions and nutrition, constant grazing isn’t necessary.

2. Serve Snacks With Structure.
Treat snacks like mini meals—served at a table, with a drink, no screens. This reinforces that food is for fueling, not entertainment.

3. Offer Real Food.
Snacks can be just as whole and nutritious as meals. Try:

Sliced veggies with hummus
Cheese and fruit
Hard-boiled eggs
Whole-grain toast with nut butter
Leftovers from lunch or dinner

These kinds of snacks give your child what they actually need—protein, fiber, fat, and steady energy.

4. Don’t Use Snacks as Emotional Fixes.
It’s tempting to offer food as a pacifier for boredom, stress, or tantrums, but it teaches the wrong lesson. Sometimes, they just need play, a hug, or quiet time.

5. Let Them Feel Hunger (Within Reason).
Being a little hungry between meals isn’t a problem. It’s a sign their digestive system is working properly. Allowing short periods of hunger builds appetite, helps kids tune into their body’s signals, and often leads to better eating at mealtime.

It’s About Resetting the Culture, Not Eliminating Joy

Snacks can still be fun. There’s room for the occasional treat. But building awareness and teaching kids that snacks are part of a balanced life, not the center of it, is key. So the next time your little one says they’re hungry 20 minutes after lunch, pause. Are they bored? Thirsty? Tired?

And if they really do need a snack, make it count.

How do you handle snack time in your house? Got a go-to healthy option your kids actually like?

4 Strategies to Encourage Healthy Eating Habits in Kids

Riley Schnepf

The Art of Sneaking Veggies Into Meals (And Loving It)

May 5, 2025 | Leave a Comment

You slide a bowl of broccoli across the table and brace for the grimace. The fork goes untouched. The broccoli is eventually smuggled under a napkin…or worse, fed to the dog. Sound familiar?

Whether you’re dealing with a toddler who survives on crackers and cheese or a partner who acts personally offended by spinach, getting veggies into your family’s meals can feel like a full-time job. And even when we do manage to sneak a few green things onto the plate, they often end up untouched.

But here’s the good news: with a little strategy (and a few blender tricks), it’s not just possible to sneak vegetables into meals. It’s possible to make them the star ingredient without anyone noticing. Let’s talk about how.

First, Let’s Ditch the Guilt

There’s nothing wrong with hiding veggies. In fact, it’s a parenting survival skill. Some kids (and grownups) just need more time, exposure, and creativity to build a positive relationship with nutritious food.

Sneaking vegetables into your meals isn’t about trickery. It’s about opportunity. You’re building familiarity through taste, texture, and repetition. Over time, that exposure helps develop a more adventurous palate. It’s not cheating. It’s strategic parenting.

Now, onto the good stuff.

1. Blend Veggies Into Sauces and Soups

One of the easiest ways to sneak in vegetables is by blending them right into things your family already eats and loves.

Mac and cheese: Stir in puréed butternut squash, sweet potato, or cauliflower with your cheese sauce. It adds a creamy texture and bonus nutrients, and the color matches so well, no one will question it.
Tomato sauce: Toss in cooked carrots, spinach, mushrooms, or zucchini and blend until smooth. The veggies deepen the flavor and mellow the acidity of tomatoes—a win-win.
Soup bases: Pureed vegetables like carrots, peas, broccoli, or cauliflower blend beautifully into broths. They thicken the soup and make it more filling without changing the familiar flavor too much.

Pro tip: Use a high-speed blender or immersion blender for ultra-smooth results—chunky “mystery bits” are where suspicion begins.

2. Bake Them Into Breakfasts and Snacks

Who says veggies only belong at lunch and dinner? Sweet treats and breakfasts offer perfect low-pressure spots to tuck in a serving or two.

Muffins and quick breads: Zucchini bread, pumpkin muffins, and carrot cake are classics for a reason. Add flaxseed or grated apple for extra fiber and moisture.
Pancakes and waffles: Blend spinach or pumpkin into the batter. A handful of spinach turns pancakes a fun green that kids may love (especially if you call them “Hulk cakes”).
Brownies: Believe it or not, puréed black beans, sweet potato, or even avocado can make brownies rich and moist without tasting “healthy.”

These kinds of bakes are ideal for school lunches or afternoon snacks—and no one has to know their “treat” came with a serving of vegetables.

3. Stuff It, Mix It, Wrap It

If blending and baking aren’t your thing, don’t worry. You can still sneak veggies in with some clever layering and wrapping.

Quesadillas and grilled cheese: Add a thin layer of finely chopped spinach or grated zucchini between the cheese and tortilla or bread. Once melted, it disappears into the gooey goodness.
Meatballs, burgers, and meatloaf: Finely chopped mushrooms, carrots, or bell peppers mix easily into ground meat without altering the taste. They add moisture, stretch your portions, and boost the nutrition.
Egg muffins and frittatas: Eggs are a fantastic vehicle for vegetables. Throw in anything you have—onions, tomatoes, spinach, kale, bell peppers—and bake into bite-sized portions.

This method is also perfect for leftovers: just chop, mix, and reimagine last night’s roasted veggies into something new.

4. Make Smoothies That Pack a Secret Punch

Smoothies are a classic veggie-delivery system, and for good reason. The trick is to balance the greens with fruit so the texture is smooth and the taste is still sweet and fresh.

Start with a base: banana, mango, or pineapple help mask flavors.
Add your veggie: spinach, kale, avocado, beets, or even frozen cauliflower rice (yes, really. It’s flavorless but adds creaminess).
Toss in extras: nut butter, yogurt, chia seeds, or protein powder can make it a full meal.

Don’t forget to give it a fun name. A “Green Power Potion” or “Pink Princess Smoothie” goes down way easier than a “kale smoothie with flax.”

5. Let Kids Help—But Stay in Control

One way to reduce mealtime resistance? Involve your kids in the prep process. Let them pick the veggie you’ll “sneak” in today. Give them tasks like tearing spinach or stirring sauce. The more familiar they are with the ingredients, the less mysterious (and scary) they become.

But here’s the key: don’t oversell it. You risk triggering suspicion if you make a big deal about what’s hidden inside. Instead, focus on taste. Say things like, “This is extra creamy today,” or “I tried a new recipe!” Then, let them discover they love it on their own.

Don’t Forget the Long Game

Sneaking veggies isn’t about avoiding confrontation forever. It’s about creating a bridge. The more exposure your family has to vegetables (even in hidden form), the more likely they are to accept them on their own terms one day.

It might start with spinach blended into pasta sauce. Then maybe it’s sautéed into scrambled eggs. Eventually, it becomes a salad they actually request.

It’s a process. But every small win counts.

What’s your go-to trick for getting veggies into picky eaters?

Stop Buying This: 6 Food Items That We Think Are Healthy but Are Bad for Our Children

Riley Schnepf

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