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The Best Books to Explain Death to Children

August 20, 2020 | Leave a Comment

My son was just 3.5 years old when my brother died.  My son was close to my brother, and telling him that his uncle had passed away was extremely difficult.  Because death was such an abstract topic for a child his age and because he loved to be read to, we bought many books to help him understand.  These are what we found to be the best books for when he was young and when he was older.

The Best Books to Explain Death to Children

Best Books to Explain Death to Young Children

If you have young children, say three to five years old, these are the best books I can recommend based on personal experience.

What’s Heaven by Maria Shriver

Maria Shriver wrote this book when her own grandmother, Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy, died and her children had questions about death.  The story does have a spiritual/religious element to it, but the book can truly be read by people of all faiths.

In the story, Kate’s great grandmother has just died and her mother answers Kate’s many questions about Heaven.  I like the soft, dreamy feel to the illustrations.

Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley

This story doesn’t delve specifically into death but in missing the ones we love.  In Badger’s Parting Gifts, Badger is old and heads down the long tunnel.  His friends go to his house the next day and are sad that he is gone.  While they cry in the beginning, in the end, they reflect on all the things that Badger taught them to do such as skating across the ice and learn to tie a tie.  By the end of the book, all of Badger’s friends join together and share fond memories of Badger.

I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas

I Miss You is a book that we read over and over to our son.  This book is perfect for young children as it shares the feelings, including guilt and sadness, that people may feel after loss.  It also explains how the child may behave, such as withdrawing from others, and the awkwardness that others may feel and how they may avoid the person who has suffered loss.

God Gave Us Heaven by Lisa Tawn Bergren and Laura J. Bryant

Obviously, God Gave Us Heaven comes from a Christian place.  This book explains that people die and go to Heaven.  The book promises that no matter what pain and suffering we have in life, there will be no more of that in Heaven.  This book has young polar bears asking their parents about Heaven, and they receive reassuring answers.

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

The Invisible String doesn’t deal specifically with death.  Instead, the mom comforts her twins when they’re scared about a noise in the night.  She tells them that no one is ever alone because we’re all connected to the people we love with an invisible string.

While this book would provide comfort to a child dealing with the death of a loved one, it would also soothe little ones dealing with separation anxiety.

Best Books to Explain Death to Older Children

Even a few years after my brother’s death, my son still wanted to talk about it and process it, so we had books that we read to him then, too.  These books are good for ages six to twelve.

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D.

A family friend gave us The Fall of Freddy the Leaf, and I must confess, it made me cry.  The story is about Daniel and Freddie, two leaves on a large tree.  They grow together through the spring, the summer, and the fall.  When the leaves start to fall, Freddie asks Daniel what is happening.  Daniel explains about death, and Freddie is at first angry.  He wants to know what is the point of life if they just have to die.  Daniel patiently answers Freddie’s questions before Daniel slips gently from the tree branch.

By the end of the story, Freddie is the last leaf, and as he finally falls from the tree, he is at peace and understands his reason for living.

When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark Brown

One of the co-authors of this book is Mark Brown, the creator behind the kids’ show, Arthur, so kids will likely recognize the style of the illustrations.

There is no main character in this story.  Instead, the book explains what it means to be alive and what it means to die.  The author also explains why people die.  (Be warned, for young children, there are deaths from drug overdose and suicide mentioned here.)

The book also explains what people may feel when their loved one dies and validates those feelings.  The authors also suggest ways to deal with these feelings.  The book is mostly secular and discusses various burial rituals as well.

Maybe Dying Is Like Becoming a Butterfly by Pimm Van Hest

This book, recommended for 1st through 4th graders, is written by a psychologist.  The story itself is very comforting.  A young child asks his grandpa if he should catch a caterpillar.  Grandpa says no because it might die, which prompts the discussion about death.

For most of the story, grandpa answers Christopher’s questions, including if grandpa is scared to die.  By the end, Christopher decides that death is like a butterfly—maybe after death there is something else like after a caterpillar is gone, there is a butterfly.

Parents might also enjoy that the last page of the book includes suggestions and tips for discussing death with children.

Final Thoughts

Dying is a part of life, but when death comes and children are too young to understand, explaining the concept can be difficult.  My son, at 3.5 years old, was too young to understand losing a loved one, but he got a better understanding through many of these best books to explain death to children.  Even though we’ve moved on from our loss, we still keep these books because they’ve become a beloved treasure to remind us of a difficult time.

Filed Under: Books and Reading, Education, Parenting Blog at KidsAintCheap Tagged With: Books, books for children, Death

Some Thoughts on Life’s Lessons

January 16, 2011 | Leave a Comment

Maybe she should encourage more books and less technologyI have to say, this first month of 2011 has been a busy one.  There just seems to be a never-ending string of things to do!  It is amazing.  But, I am not complaining.  I like being busy and, while single parenthood is never boring, it is a different feeling to be busy in the workplace and doing things outside motherhood.  That said though, I find it funny how I am constantly reminded of things that are kid-related.  Let me elucidate.

I grew up in a relatively comfortable home.  I was educated well and I was able to travel to a few places around the world and experience different cultures and meet all kinds of people. As a result, I like to think that I have maybe an additional perspective on some things compared to others who have not had the chance to experience the same things. Don’t get me wrong.  I am in no way belittling anyone or making myself bigger than who I am. I am simply saying that I believe I have a wider take on things having had a bit more experience compared to how I think I might have viewed things had my circumstances been otherwise.

Because of that, I try my best to apply what I’ve seen to how I raise my kids.  I want them to be open-minded and exploratory. I want them to question and come up with their own answers and be independent.  I want them to judge and treat people well and not to be so fixated on material things.  I want them to be comfortable but to understand the values of patience and hard-work and not to take anything for granted. So, I try to guide them and introduce them to as much as I can and think they should be exposed to at their age, that I feel would help them develop this way. I want to give them the same chance to experience what I did growing up but I also want them to have some simple roots.  I grew up in a much slower time after all and back then it was easier to sit back and see things move without getting a migraine.  I have come to observe though how tough this considering what they are surrounded with today.

Do we really need all this technology?

There is so much to do, so much to see, so much you are told you should want and have that it is easy to lose track of simple things that cost you a fraction of the cost of what is suggested and adds character, develops the mind and body, and teaches the child lessons that no amount of money can buy.

Today is the age of the Internet and computers and all these high tech toys that are so attractive and do so many interesting things that it is easy to believe that you just absolutely need one and that you cannot live without one and be up-to-date.  Well, I have nothing against computers and games.  I actually find that a lot of the games tackle history and music very well.  And, c’mon, I have blogs! But I really think there is something about books, and outdoor play, and arts and crafts for children that technology cannot teach.And this is the experience of the activity for itself, not pixelized or in HD or from a flat screen TV.  I hope I will be able to properly explain what I mean. Let me try through a couple of examples.

OK, call me old-fashioned. I read somewhere that babies born this year might be reading from e-books and that speciality bookstores might be extinct in 10 years or so. Well, I think that is just sad.  While you can practice your imagination reading off a tablet as well as the page, the beauty of the printed word, the smell of a book, the feel of a genuine and hand-crafted cover is something that adds dimension to your creative experience and adds something to your appreciation of the story and the story teller. It’s just something that would be lost reading from a tablet.  I understand how games today are supposedly designed to add dexterity and to improve fine motor skills but how about all of us folks who became dexterous without the latest Wii game? I think we did really well and had the added benefit of healthy lungs, fit bodies, and a joy of sports and activity that I think is lacking today. And how about appreciation of nature, and smelling how fresh the air can be in a park, or watching the sun rise or set and feeling the droplets of rain on your face, all during outdoor activities.  Who can say that those experiences are not treasured memories that give that special glow to an otherwise sepia image of your childhood?

The point here is that I am reminded everyday, during those pleasurable times when I am busy, how great it is to be busy and how great it is to know what it means to also be simple as well.  And this is something I want for my kids too. Yes, I want them to be modern but I also want them to be unassuming and appreciative of things that they might overlook surrounded by technology.  I think this is important in creating open-minded, independent, discerning, and balanced individuals.

Do you embrace technology for your children or try to promote older activities?

Filed Under: Green Living, Healthy Living & Eating, Random Musings Tagged With: Activity, Books, Life's Lessons, Technology

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