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How to Handle a Divorce and Maintain Your Kids’ Well-Being

December 15, 2013 | Leave a Comment

divorceDivorce and separation are, without a doubt, difficult situations. This is even truer if you have children.

Divorce is a major shakeup in the lives of children because it doesn’t just dissolve a marriage but it also fundamentally changes the shape of our families. When you are going through a divorce, it is your job as a parent to guide your children through this period of their lives with the least amount of emotional scars and psychic wounds as possible. There is quite a bit that you can do, whether you have the cooperation of the other parent or not, to protect your children’s well-being.

Keep Communication Open

Don’t lie to your kids by giving them false hope or try to make your co-parent look bad. Be truthful but keep information age appropriate. Remember that as your children get older they may have new questions or concerns about their relationship with you and the other parent. Be sure that they know they can come to you at any time.

Give Lots of Reassurance

Remind your children that you love them, and that the other parent loves them, even if you can’t make a relationship work with your ex-spouse. Young children, especially, have a difficult time articulating their emotions. Help them by acknowledging their feelings even if they can’t name them.

Physical touch, such as giving hugs, relieves stress in children. Older children that receive regular physical contact are reportedly happier and have fewer behavioral problems. Everyone benefits from regular human contact, adults see the benefit of lowered blood pressure and better anxiety management. So be sure to show affection and hug your children.

Keep Routines

Routines are important for children. Predictability in their day to day life helps them understand and learn about the world around them. When children have routines, they feel safer and more in control of their lives. Managing change can be difficult for children, especially when large changes are brought on them suddenly.

Whenever possible, keep routines the same. Divorce creates tremendous change. Be consistent and stick to schedules for everyone’s sake. Having a familiar routines cuts down on stress levels.


Keep Adult Problems to Yourselves

“Don’t argue in front of the children” is pretty standard advice for any family but it has to go double when it comes to divorced families. Remember your co-parent is still your child’s family and always will be. Keep the details of the divorce between you and your ex.

Aim for Cooperation

When a divorce is contentious, it can be hard to bend. Hiring a child custody lawyer can sometimes be the most civil thing to do when your co-parent is uncooperative or determined to make life difficult. Learn how to tactfully set boundaries, but at the same time, be prepared to pick your battles.

If your ex is willing, consider attending co-parenting classes or at least trying to work past feelings of betrayal or mistrust that might follow a divorce. Put in place a parenting plan that respects the child’s relationship with each of his or her parents. Consider that the children of divorce fare better when there is cooperation between parents.


Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Stress and anxiety can take a toll, even on children. If you think you are experiencing symptoms of depression, or if you think your family can benefit from talking about their feelings with a professional, don’t be afraid to seek help. Sometimes an impartial third party can give you some perspective on your situation.

Family and friends are another source of help and support. If you need someone to talk to, someone that can help with the kids, or someone to have margaritas with, family and friends might be the ones to call. Taking care of yourself will go a long way to keeping your house harmonious and your mind at ease.

In the end, remember that children are young but they are still people. Treat them with tenderness and courtesy and even the most chaotic periods of their lives can be overcome.

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: divorce, Kids, well-being

Are You Considering a Divorce?

November 24, 2013 | Leave a Comment

divorceThe holidays can be a wonderful time to spend with family and friends.  Though the holidays can be filled with a flurry of activity, most people enjoy the season because they like watching the joy on their children’s faces and the magic of the season.

But unfortunately, the holidays can also be a time of sadness if you are unhappily married.  While you may be able to ignore the trouble in your marriage during the year, the stress and togetherness of the holidays can bring into focus just how unhappy you are.  There’s nothing like attending party after party putting on a happy face when you don’t feel that way at all.

 

Don’t Jump to the End

If you’ve realized that you’re marriage is failing and you’re deeply dissatisfied with it, don’t automatically assume that you’ll need to get a divorce.  Instead, you can try to talk to your partner and see if he might be willing to see a marriage therapist with you.  If he won’t, you could certainly see a therapist yourself to learn how to deal with the situation.  Often, just changing your own behaviors can inadvertently result in your spouse changing his behavior.

 

Consult a Professional

Another step you may want to take is to meet with an experienced divorce lawyer in Daytona Beach, if you live near there or to seek the counsel of one near you.  Consulting with a divorce lawyer doesn’t mean you will get a divorce.  It just means you’re looking at your options.

An initial meeting with a divorce lawyer can help you understand what the process will be like.  The lawyer could tell you what steps you should take now, what is required in your state to pursue a divorce as well as how custody arrangements would likely work.

The lawyer will also likely remind you of all the implications of a divorce.  Alimony will need to be determined as well as the splitting of assets.

 

Try To Make Things Work

For many, though, financially, it’s better to stay married.  If you don’t think your marriage is completely over, seeing a therapist and working through your issues is often the best course of action.  Depending on the state you’re in, you may face the loss of half of your retirement fund as well as alimony payments, if applicable.  If you’ve been a stay at home mom, you’ll likely need to re-enter the workforce, which can be a challenge after you’ve been out of it for several years.

However, there are times when a divorce is best for you and your family.  Only you know if you’ve reached that point.  If you have, a good divorce attorney can be very important both to help you with custody of your children and with the fair separation of assets.

If you know friends who’ve been divorced, ask them for their recommendations.  Family friends who are in the legal field may also be able to direct you to an attorney you can trust to get the best divorce settlement for you.

What other tips do you have?

Filed Under: Family Time Tagged With: divorce, marriage

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