Kids Ain't Cheap

But They Sure Are Worth It

8 Times Divorce Is Actually Better for the Kids

| Leave a Comment

Father lifting his daughter outdoors, suggesting a happier outcome after divorce.
Image Source: Unsplash

No parent plans on divorce. Yet in some situations, ending an unhealthy marriage protects children from stress that can linger for years. Below are eight scenarios in which research suggests kids may thrive more after a thoughtful separation than in a persistently high‑conflict home.

1. When Constant Fighting Becomes the Norm

Ongoing hostility raises children’s stress hormones and elevates the risk of anxiety or depression. Long‑term studies summarized by the American Psychological Association show that kids in chronically high‑conflict homes often fare worse than peers whose parents divorced and reduced the tension.

Daily shouting, icy silence, or subtle digs spike a child’s stress hormones, rewiring the brain for hyper‑vigilance. Kids in homes where conflict never cools are more prone to anxiety, depression, and sleep disorders—even if the fighting stops once they leave for college. A well‑structured divorce can remove that nonstop soundtrack of tension, allowing children’s nervous systems to reset.

2. When Two Peaceful Households Beat One Tense One

Splitting time between calm homes is emotionally easier than tiptoeing around a single war‑zone living room. Many newly single parents rediscover patience, humor, and genuine presence once the daily friction disappears. Children often report they can finally “relax and be themselves” because they’re not bracing for the next argument.

Once parents live apart, many rediscover patience and presence. Children in balanced, low‑conflict co‑parenting arrangements frequently report feeling calmer and better supported than when they lived under one stressed roof.

3. When Divorce Brings Out Better Parenting

Emotional bandwidth expands when adults are no longer battling each other daily. Freed from constant conflict, each parent can focus on homework help, bedtime stories, and quality conversations that strengthen attachment.

Conflict consumes mental bandwidth. Without the perpetual drain of trying to “win” marital battles, parents frequently show up with more energy for bedtime stories, soccer games, and one‑on‑one talks. Quality time rises, nagging drops, and the parent‑child bond deepens—benefits that echo far beyond the divorce decree.

4. When Kids No Longer Have to Choose Sides

Divorce can end the informal referee role kids play during marital disputes. Clear boundaries and a cooperative parenting plan keep children from feeling responsible for adult emotions.

In a volatile marriage, children become reluctant referees—reading mom’s face before asking dad a question, moderating dinner conversations, or absorbing blame to keep peace.

A clear co‑parenting plan can end that emotional tug‑of‑war. When expectations, schedules, and rules are agreed upon and consistent, kids stop feeling responsible for managing adult emotions.

5. When You Can Model Healthy Boundaries

Leaving a disrespectful or emotionally unsafe partnership teaches kids that self‑respect matters. They internalize that healthy relationships require kindness, safety, and mutual support—not silent resentment or volatility.

Parents lifting a child, symbolizing effective teamwork in raising kids.
Image Source: Unsplash

6. When Co‑Parenting Works Better Than Marriage

Plenty of separated couples communicate more effectively about rules, schedules, and schoolwork than they did as spouses. A review by Child Mind Institute notes that consistent routines and mutual respect—not living under one roof—predict children’s post‑divorce adjustment.

7. When the Home Atmosphere Finally Feels Safer

Many children describe a palpable “sigh of relief” after conflict subsides. In surveys by family‑law organizations, the majority of teens from formerly volatile homes said divorce improved household calm and emotional safety.

8. When It’s Time to Break the Cycle

Children learn relationship scripts by observation. Ending an unhealthy marriage can interrupt patterns of manipulation, aggression, or withdrawal—encouraging the next generation to seek healthier partnerships.

Choosing Growth Over Staying Stuck

Divorce is never easy, but in some cases it opens a path to healing and healthier parenting. Children don’t need perfect families; they need safe, emotionally available parents. If every reasonable effort has failed and conflict remains constant, a respectful separation may give everyone—kids included—a better chance to thrive.

Have you thought before about what happens in the child mind’s during conflictive marriage?

Read More

Should You Stay Together for the Kids? What Experts and Real Parents Say

| Leave a Comment

A child sitting between two parents who appear distant or emotionally disconnected, highlighting the emotional impact of strained relationships on children and the complex decisions families face about staying together or separating.
Image Source: Unsplash

When love fades and frustration grows, many parents face a heartbreaking question: Should we stay together for the kids? Guilt, hope, and the desire to protect children from pain often fuel this dilemma. In the past, the default answer was often “yes,” but today, more families are questioning what’s truly best for their child’s well-being when love changes—or ends. Below, we’ll explore expert insights, how children are affected, and the choices real parents make when confronted with this life-altering crossroads.

The Changing Mindset on Staying for the Kids

Historically, staying married “for the kids” was the social norm. However, modern perspectives have evolved. Kids need more than just two parents under one roof; they need emotional safety, kindness, and consistency. If an unhappy marriage prevents those essentials, two separate but stable households might serve everyone better than one tense home.

Why Stability Still Matters

Even so, stability remains crucial in a child’s development. Predictable routines and engaged parenting often lead to better emotional, social, and academic outcomes. Children do well when conflict is minimized and both parents show up consistently—things that can happen in a two-parent home or across two supportive households post-separation.

The structure of the family is less important than the overall climate of warmth, reliability, and emotional availability. For insights on creating a stable environment during marital strife, see the American Psychological Association’s recommendations on healthy co-parenting and child well-being.

conveying the emotional weight and silent impact that ongoing marital tension can have on children.
Image Source: Unsplash

The Silent Toll of Unhappy Marriages

Here’s the complexity: staying in an unhappy marriage can breed the very instability we hope to avoid. Children are remarkably sensitive, picking up on even unspoken tension. Regular exposure to conflict or emotional detachment can spark anxiety, behavioral issues, and low self-esteem. Many studies suggest that kids fare better once parents separate than when they remain in a joyless partnership. In fact, 82% of young people surveyed felt that divorce is preferable to living in a tense or unhappy home.

Can Children Adjust After Divorce?

It’s natural to fear that divorce will irreversibly harm your child. The truth is, while the early stage of separation may be confusing or painful, research indicates most children adapt with time, especially when both parents continue to be loving, active, and cooperative in co-parenting. They can and do thrive after divorce, falling within normal ranges on developmental and psychological benchmarks. Though not without challenges, a thoughtfully navigated divorce can provide emotional stability if parents remain engaged.

Making the Right Choice for Your Family

Whether to stay or separate is deeply personal—no single script fits every family. What’s crucial is prioritizing your child’s emotional security, your own health, and the quality of co-parenting if you part ways. Some couples manage to rebuild and flourish as a unit, while others find that respectful separation ultimately offers the healthiest environment for their children. Both paths require courage—and both can lead to healing and stability in the long run.

When Love Changes, What Does Your Family Need Most?

If you’re wrestling with this decision, remember you’re not alone or failing. It’s okay to grieve the family vision you once had and to weigh every angle carefully. It’s also okay to choose emotional peace over maintaining appearances, trusting that love can look different while still nurturing your child. Whether you seek counseling, turn to a trusted confidant, or explore co-parenting arrangements, taking time to reflect on everyone’s emotional needs is an act of love in itself.

Have you faced this choice? We welcome your insights and experiences in the comments—sharing your journey might help someone else find clarity.

Read More

How Does Child Support Affect Tax Return?

| Leave a Comment

When you get divorced, there are many firsts.  Of course, there are the emotional firsts—the first Christmas not spent as a couple, the first wedding anniversary not celebrated, the first family vacation without your ex.  But there are also financial firsts such as purchasing your first house alone or buying a car alone.  One of the most important is the first tax return filed as a divorced citizen.  You may worry how does child support affect tax return?  The good news is that in general, it doesn’t affect your tax return.

How Does Child Support Affect Your Tax Return?

How Child Support Affect Tax Return

Child support has no tax implication when it comes to stating your income.

If You’re Giving the Support

If you’re the person giving the support, you may wonder if it is a tax deduction.  It’s not.  Think of child support this way.  You’re giving your ex-spouse money to take care of the kids.  So, if she’s using child support to buy groceries for the kids, it’s no different than when you were together and she used your income to buy groceries.  Just like you couldn’t claim money spent for basic living expenses on your tax return, the same is true for child support.

If You’re Receiving the Support

Those who are receiving child support will be glad to know that it does not count as income.  You will still use your income from your job to complete your tax return, but child support does not show up anywhere on your tax return.

Who Can Claim the Child as a Dependent

How Does Child Support Affect Tax Return?

Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

While giving or receiving child support does not affect your tax return, what can affect your return is who gets to claim the child as a dependent on the tax return.

Some may want to argue that the person paying child support should be able to claim the child as a dependent on his/her tax return, but that’s not the way it works.

Full Custody or Majority Custody

Typically, the person with who the child lives the majority of the year is the one who has the right to claim the child as a dependent.  If your child lives with you 60% of the time and 40% of the time with your ex, you have the right to claim the child as your dependent.

Split Custody

If you split custody, the person with the highest income typically claims the child as a dependent.

Exceptions

Sometimes, the parent who is eligible to claim the child as a dependent can decide not to and let the other parent claim the child.  To do this, the eligible parent must fill out Form 8332 with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).

Final Thoughts

While filing the first tax return as a divorced citizen can seem complicated, it’s not any more complicated than usual.  If you wonder how does child support affect tax return, rest assured that it doesn’t.  The only time being divorced may affect your return is considering who gets to claim the child as a dependent.  However, the law clearly explains which parent gets that right.

Steps to Divorce: 7 Immediate Steps to Take Before Getting a Divorce

| Leave a Comment

steps to divorce

There are 787,251 divorces in the United States within a year. While the country’s divorce rate is no longer 50 percent, many people still navigate the exhausting process of filing for divorce.

If you’re about to work through the divorce process, it’s important to have a plan in place. Otherwise, you could unintentionally miss an important step. To help, we’ve listed the seven steps to divorce; the steps you must take before filing.

[Read more…]

How to Handle a Divorce and Maintain Your Kids’ Well-Being

| Leave a Comment

divorceDivorce and separation are, without a doubt, difficult situations. This is even truer if you have children.

Divorce is a major shakeup in the lives of children because it doesn’t just dissolve a marriage but it also fundamentally changes the shape of our families. When you are going through a divorce, it is your job as a parent to guide your children through this period of their lives with the least amount of emotional scars and psychic wounds as possible. There is quite a bit that you can do, whether you have the cooperation of the other parent or not, to protect your children’s well-being.

Keep Communication Open

Don’t lie to your kids by giving them false hope or try to make your co-parent look bad. Be truthful but keep information age appropriate. Remember that as your children get older they may have new questions or concerns about their relationship with you and the other parent. Be sure that they know they can come to you at any time.

Give Lots of Reassurance

Remind your children that you love them, and that the other parent loves them, even if you can’t make a relationship work with your ex-spouse. Young children, especially, have a difficult time articulating their emotions. Help them by acknowledging their feelings even if they can’t name them.

Physical touch, such as giving hugs, relieves stress in children. Older children that receive regular physical contact are reportedly happier and have fewer behavioral problems. Everyone benefits from regular human contact, adults see the benefit of lowered blood pressure and better anxiety management. So be sure to show affection and hug your children.

Keep Routines

Routines are important for children. Predictability in their day to day life helps them understand and learn about the world around them. When children have routines, they feel safer and more in control of their lives. Managing change can be difficult for children, especially when large changes are brought on them suddenly.

Whenever possible, keep routines the same. Divorce creates tremendous change. Be consistent and stick to schedules for everyone’s sake. Having a familiar routines cuts down on stress levels.


Keep Adult Problems to Yourselves

“Don’t argue in front of the children” is pretty standard advice for any family but it has to go double when it comes to divorced families. Remember your co-parent is still your child’s family and always will be. Keep the details of the divorce between you and your ex.

Aim for Cooperation

When a divorce is contentious, it can be hard to bend. Hiring a child custody lawyer can sometimes be the most civil thing to do when your co-parent is uncooperative or determined to make life difficult. Learn how to tactfully set boundaries, but at the same time, be prepared to pick your battles.

If your ex is willing, consider attending co-parenting classes or at least trying to work past feelings of betrayal or mistrust that might follow a divorce. Put in place a parenting plan that respects the child’s relationship with each of his or her parents. Consider that the children of divorce fare better when there is cooperation between parents.


Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Stress and anxiety can take a toll, even on children. If you think you are experiencing symptoms of depression, or if you think your family can benefit from talking about their feelings with a professional, don’t be afraid to seek help. Sometimes an impartial third party can give you some perspective on your situation.

You may even find going to the doctor to be supportive as they might be able to prescribe you something to help you cope. However, if you prefer a more natural method, then you may want to check out websites such as https://perfectplantmarket.com/pages/thca-flower-austin, for example, to see how this can be beneficial to your health. As always, make sure that you check with a medical professional first to ensure that this is okay for you to do.

Family and friends are another source of help and support. If you need someone to talk to, someone that can help with the kids, or someone to have margaritas with, family and friends might be the ones to call. Taking care of yourself will go a long way to keeping your house harmonious and your mind at ease.

In the end, remember that children are young but they are still people. Treat them with tenderness and courtesy and even the most chaotic periods of their lives can be overcome.

Are You Considering a Divorce?

| Leave a Comment

divorceThe holidays can be a wonderful time to spend with family and friends.  Though the holidays can be filled with a flurry of activity, most people enjoy the season because they like watching the joy on their children’s faces and the magic of the season.

But unfortunately, the holidays can also be a time of sadness if you are unhappily married.  While you may be able to ignore the trouble in your marriage during the year, the stress and togetherness of the holidays can bring into focus just how unhappy you are.  There’s nothing like attending party after party putting on a happy face when you don’t feel that way at all.

 

Don’t Jump to the End

If you’ve realized that you’re marriage is failing and you’re deeply dissatisfied with it, don’t automatically assume that you’ll need to get a divorce. Instead, you can try to talk to your partner and see if they might be willing to see a marriage therapist with you. If they won’t, you could certainly see a therapist yourself to learn how to deal with the situation. Often, just changing your own behaviors can inadvertently result in your spouse changing their behavior. Similarly, don’t assume that problems in bed mean that the marriage is ending. There are plenty of health conditions that can cause problems, and your partner may not even understand their problem themself. Erectile dysfunction, for example, is unlikely to mean your partner no longer finds you attractive. Instead, it’s more likely to be caused by hormone imbalances, so it might be a good idea to contact an ED Clinic Pasdena, or similar clinic in your own area, to determine the best course of treatment.

 

Consult a Professional

Another step you may want to take is to meet with an experienced divorce lawyer in Daytona Beach, if you live near there or to seek the counsel of one near you.  Consulting with a divorce lawyer doesn’t mean you will get a divorce.  It just means you’re looking at your options.

An initial meeting with a lawyer like those at Peters & May – your family law solution in Mayfair can help you understand what the process will be like and they will be able to give you legal advice surrounding your situation. The lawyer could tell you what steps you should take now, what is required in your state to pursue a divorce as well as how custody arrangements would likely work.

The lawyer will also likely remind you of all the implications of a divorce.  Alimony will need to be determined as well as the splitting of assets.

As well as using the services provided by the lawyer, you may want to investigate your partners behaviour further with the help of a private investigator. For example, if you think your partner may have been unfaithful to you and you need proof before going through with a divorce, then you could hire a Bond Rees private investigator (or amending this to your local area) as they will be able to dig deeper and reveal any secrets that your partner has been hiding from you.

Try To Make Things Work

For many, though, financially, it’s better to stay married.  If you don’t think your marriage is completely over, seeing a therapist and working through your issues is often the best course of action.  Depending on the state you’re in, you may face the loss of half of your retirement fund as well as alimony payments, if applicable.  If you’ve been a stay at home mom, you’ll likely need to re-enter the workforce, which can be a challenge after you’ve been out of it for several years.

However, there are times when a divorce is best for you and your family.  Only you know if you’ve reached that point.  If you have, a good divorce attorney can be very important both to help you with custody of your children and with the fair separation of assets.

If you know friends who’ve been divorced, ask them for their recommendations.  Family friends who are in the legal field may also be able to direct you to an attorney you can trust to get the best divorce settlement for you.

What other tips do you have?