Kids Ain't Cheap

But They Sure Are Worth It

Why Some Moms Are Going “No-Contact” With Their Own Parents

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Family is supposed to be a safety net, yet for a growing number of mothers, that net has twisted into a web of criticism, manipulation, or emotional neglect.

Enter the no‑contact movement—women who sever ties with their own parents to protect both their mental health and their children’s well‑being.

Detractors call the decision drastic; advocates call it survival. Either way, cutting ties with the people who raised you is never simple. Understanding why some moms choose no‑contact reveals how complex—and courageous—the decision can be.

Trauma That Echoes Across Generations

Many mothers who go no‑contact grew up amid alcoholism, narcissism, or chronic belittlement. Therapy language calls these long‑term patterns “complex trauma,” because the harm is ongoing rather than a single event.

Childhood experiences of gaslighting or emotional neglect prime the nervous system to stay on high alert well into adulthood. Once these women become parents, old wounds resurface in startling ways: nightmares during pregnancy, panic when their infant cries, or anger triggered by their own mom’s “helpful” advice.

If grandparents undermine house rules, criticize parenting methods in front of the kids, or use guilt as currency—“If you loved me, you’d let the baby stay overnight”—the cycle threatens to continue. For many moms, cutting contact isn’t revenge; it’s a radical act of protection that breaks a generational chain so the next link forms in healthier metal.

Boundary Pushback And The Final Straw

Very few women jump straight to no‑contact. More often, they start with smaller boundary attempts: shorter visits, holiday rotations, clear lists of dos and don’ts, or therapy‑backed letters explaining triggers. What follows is a litmus test.

In healthy families, limits inspire conversation and compromise. In toxic dynamics, boundaries provoke escalation—passive‑aggressive texts, smear campaigns with relatives, or even legal threats for “grandparents’ rights.”

A final incident usually snaps the last thread: a grandparent secretly feeding allergens, bad‑mouthing the mom in front of the children, or erupting into a screaming match during Christmas dinner.

At that breaking point, a mother chooses peace over pleasing. She blocks phone numbers, stops sharing photos, and alerts schools or caregivers that the grandparents are no longer approved contacts.

The Psychological Cost—And Unexpected Relief

Going no‑contact is not a victory lap; it is grief work. Mothers mourn the relationship they wished they’d had, endure judgment from siblings who stay loyal to the parents, and field awkward questions from friends who assume family closeness is universal.

Some experience guilt or fear: “Am I overreacting?” or “Will my kids blame me later?”

Yet many describe a profound sense of relief within weeks—fewer panic attacks, deeper sleep, and the ability to parent without constant second‑guessing. Adults who maintain firm boundaries show lower cortisol levels over time, suggesting that emotional distance can translate into biological calm.

Explaining Estrangement To Children

Telling kids why Grandma or Grandpa no longer visits is delicate.

Child psychologists recommend age‑appropriate honesty: “Grandma’s words sometimes hurt people, so we’re keeping space to stay safe and kind.”

Emphasize family values—kindness, respect, safety—rather than demonizing the grandparent. This frames boundaries as protective tools rather than punishments.

Older children may ask if forgiveness is possible. Experts advise clarifying that reconciliation requires genuine change from the grandparent and that safety always comes first. Modeling healthy boundaries teaches kids that they, too, can set limits when relationships become harmful.

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The Possibility (And Limits) Of Reconciliation

Therapists caution parents not to expect dramatic apologies from toxic relatives; meaningful change is rare without extensive, sustained work.

However, reconciliation isn’t impossible. Some grandparents do seek therapy, read about trauma, and demonstrate consistent new behavior for many months. In those rare cases, moms might consider limited contact: supervised visits, communication only through a family email address, or short public outings.

Even then, the default is safety. Moms maintain escape plans, keep conversations documented, and reaffirm the right to withdraw again if old patterns resurface. The guiding question shifts from “Do they deserve another chance?” to “Can my children and I stay truly safe—emotionally and physically—if contact resumes?”

Navigating Social And Cultural Backlash

Choosing no‑contact often collides with cultural narratives that idealize unconditional family loyalty.

Mothers may hear: “But they’re your parents—you only have one set.” Religious teachings about honoring father and mother can compound guilt. Social media adds another layer, with picture‑perfect grandparent‑grandchild moments splashed across feeds.

Support groups—online forums, local therapist‑led circles, or private Facebook communities—offer validation and strategies for handling backlash. Trusted friends who understand trauma can provide reality checks when doubt creeps in. The mantra many survivors adopt is simple: “Family is who acts like family.”

Practical Steps Toward Healing

  1. Document Patterns – Journaling incidents can affirm the decision when doubt arises.
  2. Pursue Trauma‑Informed Therapy – Modalities like EMDR or Internal Family Systems help rewire triggers.
  3. Build A Chosen Family – Lean on friends, mentors, or neighbors who show consistent care.
  4. Create New Rituals – Holiday traditions or weekly dinners rooted in safety and joy help rewrite family scripts.
  5. Protect Legal Boundaries – When necessary, consult an attorney about restraining orders or guardianship to prevent unwanted interference.

Choosing Peace Over Pleasing

No‑contact is not about punishment; it is about preservation. For some mothers, the question isn’t “Should I forgive again?” but “Can I thrive if I don’t draw this line?” In a world that romanticizes blood ties above all, choosing distance requires radical self‑trust.

These moms demonstrate to their children that love and self‑respect are not mutually exclusive. Sometimes the healthiest family legacy is the one you forge from scratch—where safety is non‑negotiable, respect flows both ways, and generational trauma ends with you.

Are you navigating—or considering—no‑contact with toxic parents? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments. Your story might be the lifeline another mom needs to choose peace.

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Why Burned-Out Moms Are Fantasizing About Running Away

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Overwhelmed mom holding child while walking away
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If you’ve ever found yourself fantasizing about a one-way ticket to anywhere-but-here, you’re far from alone. More and more mothers admit to fleeting daydreams of escape—not because they don’t love their families, but because they’re overwhelmed by mom burnout and weighed down by impossible expectations. Contrary to what some might think, these thoughts don’t point to a failing parent; they simply reveal the intense pressure many mothers face daily.

Below, we’ll explore why these runaway fantasies happen, what they actually mean, and—crucially—how to address the root issues so you can find relief, not just momentary mental escape.

A Fantasy of Escape Isn’t Selfish—It’s a Signal

When moms fantasize about running away, it isn’t really about wanting a permanent goodbye—it’s about craving breathing room. According to a recent piece by Verywell Family on parental burnout, such thoughts act as a coping mechanism.

Rather than physically leaving home, it’s your mind’s way of saying, “I need help. I need rest.” Recognizing the difference between passing thoughts and genuine plans to leave can help you focus on addressing your emotional needs instead of fueling guilt.

The Home Front Isn’t Always an Even Field

One core driver of mom burnout is the unequal distribution of household and childcare responsibilities. Studies show women often bear the brunt of the mental load, that never-ending checklist of scheduling doctor’s appointments, planning meals, and remembering every detail of daily life.

This invisible labor is so consuming that the BBC once called it the “job that never ends.” Add work demands or limited support, and the scale can tip from mild stress to overwhelming exhaustion—making those runaway fantasies more frequent.

Losing Yourself Somewhere Between Snack Time and Soccer Practice

Before parenthood, you had distinct passions, interests, and even a certain freedom to explore them. Now, those personal pursuits might sit on the back burner—sometimes for years. It’s not that you resent your child; it’s that you miss who you were outside the role of Mom.

These feelings don’t mean you’re ungrateful; they reveal a need to reconnect with yourself. Simple steps like carving out an hour for a hobby or asking a partner to handle bedtime once a week can help. While these changes might feel small, they can make a big difference in reclaiming your sense of identity.

The Mental Load Is More Than You Think

We often talk about physical exhaustion—late-night feedings, endless laundry—but the mental burden can be just as draining. Constant vigilance over your child’s well-being, scheduling, emotional needs, and even your own personal tasks can create a prolonged stress state.

According to mental health experts, chronic overwhelm can lead to anxiety or depressive symptoms, pushing you to fantasize about an “easier” scenario. It’s not about wanting to abandon your child; it’s about longing for respite from relentless responsibility.

Stressed mom standing with head down
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When Constant Stress Becomes Too Much

It’s easy for busy moms to run on adrenaline and coffee until a breaking point hits. One minute, you’re functioning (albeit stressed), and the next, even brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain.

Living in sustained fight-or-flight mode affects your physical health—think headaches, elevated blood pressure, or insomnia. It also impacts emotional health, often leading to short tempers and less patience. If these signs sound familiar, it may be time to talk to someone you trust—a therapist, a friend, or a mom’s support group—before daydreams of running away morph into deeper despair.

Reclaiming Yourself Without Running Away

You don’t have to vanish to feel whole again. Most moms just need permission—permission to rest, to get help, to say “not today” to some obligations. Establishing small daily rituals can help: a morning walk, journaling, a power nap, or trading childcare duties with a friend.

Even short, dedicated moments can provide emotional healing and reduce the desire for escapism. Creating a supportive network around you ensures that your well-being becomes a priority alongside your child’s.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

If you’ve ever thought, “I just want to disappear”—know that you’re not alone and you’re certainly not a bad parent. These fantasies often illuminate the parts of motherhood that are isolating, repetitive, and mentally taxing. Talking about them openly helps break the stigma, giving other moms the courage to seek practical solutions.

What small step could you take this week to lessen the load or protect some “you” time? Share your stories or suggestions in the comments, and let’s lift each other up in the knowledge that none of us have to parent in silence—or shame.

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Yes, I Love My Kids—But I Miss Who I Was Before I Became a Parent

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Mother reflecting on life before parenting
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Parenthood is life-changing, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to say goodbye to who you were before children came along. Maybe you miss sleeping in, impromptu outings, or just the luxury of a peaceful meal where no one’s demanding more ketchup.

And then there are your deeper parts: your professional drive, creative passions, social connections. These are more than just fleeting preferences – they’re core elements of who you are. Feeling nostalgia or even a sense of loss for your pre-parent identity doesn’t make you a bad mom or dad – it makes you human.

Let’s talk about why it’s perfectly okay to both love your children wholeheartedly and miss the version of yourself that existed before parenthood redefined your life

The Shift from “Me” to “Mom” (or Dad)

Becoming a parent can feel like a seismic shift. You’re no longer who you once were; you’re now someone’s entire world, and that changes your focus, your schedule, and even how you see yourself. Research confirms that parental identity is distinct—it isn’t just another role but can reshape your entire sense of self. According to Zero to Three’s articles on parental mental health, parents commonly experience internal conflicts as they juggle new responsibilities and feelings.

It’s natural to oscillate between moments of pride and moments of loss. Recognizing this tug-of-war can help you approach your changing identity with more kindness toward yourself.

Recognizing the Parts of You That Feel “Missing”

It’s not only about missing late-night adventures or Saturday brunches with friends. You might yearn for the elements of identity that gave you purpose or excitement—like your art practice, your career ambitions, or your travel bucket list.

While parenthood offers emotional rewards beyond measure, it’s normal to feel that some parts of “old you” got lost in the shuffle. A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that a strong parental identity can coexist with feelings of grief over lost personal freedoms.

Making a list of the things you miss can clarify which ones you might reclaim—even in small ways—so you don’t lose sight of what makes you, you.

The Role of Your Parenting Style in Identity Development

Interestingly, how you parent can also shape your own self-concept. Approaches that encourage autonomy and openness, for instance, can foster growth not just in your child, but in you as well. On the flip side, methods heavy in control or conditional approval may limit both your child’s and your own emotional well-being. Realizing that your parenting style can support or stifle your evolving identity might inspire you to adopt a more balanced, empathetic approach—one that respects your child’s individuality and your own.

Mental Health and the Parental Identity Equation

Parenthood is intense. Hitching your entire identity to being “Mom” or “Dad” can set you up for emotional swings when things go off track. However, experts note that intentionally committing to parenthood while maintaining self-awareness leads to healthier emotional outcomes. This balance often involves self-care – whether that’s talking to a therapist, carving out “me time,” or joining a supportive community of parents. Don’t let guilt convince you that focusing on your mental health is selfish; it’s vital to your well-being and family harmony.

The Ripple Effect: How Your Identity Influences Your Child

Your self-perception affects your child more than you might think. Parents who feel secure in their multidimensional identity typically model confidence and emotional health, which rubs off on their kids. By showing them that it’s normal to miss parts of yourself while embracing new responsibilities, you teach resilience and authenticity. Children learn that love for family and love for personal growth aren’t mutually exclusive.

So every time you honor who you are—whether it’s indulging a hobby or standing firm in your boundaries—you’re helping your child develop a well-rounded sense of self, too.

Woman reflecting to reconnect with her past self.
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Starting Small: How to Reconnect with the Old You

You don’t need sweeping life changes to rediscover those lost pieces. Sometimes, tiny adjustments make a big difference:

  1. Mini-Rituals: Dedicate 15 minutes daily to read a book, paint, or revisit a creative interest.
  2. Ask for Help: Talk openly with your partner or close friends about needing some alone time—even an hour can recharge you.
  3. Blend Old and New: Combine your pre-parent self with parenting life. If you loved concerts, try a family-friendly outdoor show. If you miss cooking gourmet meals, invite your child to help chop veggies (safely!)

Practice Boundaries: It’s okay to say no sometimes—to social events, extra commitments, or even certain parenting “obligations” that weigh you down.

Rediscovering the Whole You Is a Form of Love

Feeling a twinge (or more) of loss for your pre-parent life doesn’t cancel out your devotion to your child—it underscores your humanity. Parenting demands a lot, but you shouldn’t have to lose the essence of who you are. By prioritizing all parts of yourself—past passions, present responsibilities, future dreams—you model authenticity and self-respect for your kids. And let’s face it: a parent who feels grounded and fulfilled is far better equipped to raise a resilient, confident child.

Do you find yourself missing the old you? Share how you balance your identity with parenting in the comments below. We’re all in this together, learning to love our families while still honoring the person we’ve always been.

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10 Things Every Teen Boy Should Hear from His Mom

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Happy mother and son sitting on sofa and using digital tablet at home
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Raising a teenage son comes with its challenges, but one of the most important things a mom can do is make sure he hears words that guide, encourage, and shape his future. While the teenage years are often filled with independence and self-discovery, boys still need reassurance, wisdom, and emotional support from their moms. Some messages may seem simple, but they carry lifelong significance.

As boys navigate the pressures of growing up, they internalize lessons that will shape their relationships, careers, and overall well-being. By reinforcing important values and emotional awareness, moms can ensure their sons develop confidence, kindness, and respect. Here are ten things every teen boy should hear from his mother.

1. You don’t have to be tough all the time

Society often teaches boys to hide their emotions and appear strong at all times. While resilience is important, vulnerability is just as valuable. Let your son know it’s okay to feel, express emotions, and seek support when needed. Being emotionally open doesn’t mean being weak—it means being human.

Encouraging emotional honesty helps boys understand that they don’t have to suppress their feelings. Whether he’s experiencing stress, heartbreak, or uncertainty, he should know that expressing his emotions is normal. As a mom, showing him that strength and sensitivity can coexist will help him develop emotional intelligence that will serve him throughout his life.

2. Respect is earned, not demanded

Respect isn’t about dominance or control—it’s about how you treat others. Teaching your son to respect others, regardless of status or background, creates a foundation for healthy relationships. People won’t respect him because of his title, wealth, or appearance, but because of his integrity and the way he treats those around him.

Respect goes beyond politeness; it’s about genuinely valuing people for who they are. Help your son understand that listening, being considerate, and treating others fairly are traits that will carry him far in life.

3. Consent matters—in all situations

One of the most crucial lessons a mother can teach her son is the importance of respecting boundaries. Whether in friendships, dating, or personal interactions, he should understand that no means no and that mutual respect is key.

Respecting consent isn’t just about romantic relationships—it extends to personal space, decisions, and autonomy. If someone feels uncomfortable or says no, he should recognize and honor that boundary without hesitation.

4. You are more than your accomplishments

Teen boys often feel pressure to succeed, whether in academics, sports, or social status. While ambition is important, it’s essential to remind your son that his worth isn’t solely defined by achievements. His kindness, character, and how he treats others will always matter more than accolades.

Perfectionism can create anxiety and self-doubt. By reinforcing the idea that mistakes and setbacks don’t define him, moms help their sons embrace their growth journey without feeling overwhelmed by societal expectations.

5. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak

Many boys hesitate to ask for help because they fear appearing weak. Reinforce the idea that seeking support—whether emotionally, academically, or physically—is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Strong people ask for help when they need it, and doing so doesn’t make them any less capable.

Help your son understand that life’s challenges don’t have to be faced alone. Whether it’s talking to you, a teacher, a mentor, or a friend, seeking support builds resilience rather than diminishing independence.

6. It’s okay to walk away from toxic people

Teenage friends walking down the street in summer day
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Not every friendship or relationship is meant to last, and some people bring negativity into your life. Help your son understand that protecting his peace by walking away from harmful situations is always an option.

Knowing when to leave a toxic friendship or relationship teaches him self-respect and boundary-setting. If a connection drains him, belittles him, or constantly creates negativity, he should feel empowered to step away without guilt.

7. Treat women how you’d want someone to treat me

A mother’s relationship with her son sets a precedent for how he treats others, especially women. Remind him that respect, kindness, and consideration should be the foundation of all interactions.

Understanding respect starts at home. If he sees his mom being valued and heard, he’ll carry those lessons into his future relationships, knowing that healthy connections are built on mutual care and equality.

8. Failure isn’t the end—it’s a lesson

Teen boys often struggle with fear of failure, but learning from mistakes is crucial for growth. Show him that failure isn’t a sign of weakness but an opportunity to improve, adjust, and move forward.

Mistakes are inevitable, but they don’t define him. Remind your son that setbacks are stepping stones toward success, and how he responds to failure matters more than the failure itself.

9. Your voice matters—use it wisely

Boys should feel empowered to speak up for themselves and others, but they should also learn the importance of listening. Encourage him to use his voice thoughtfully and responsibly, knowing that words hold power.

Help him understand when to stand up for what’s right, when to defend himself, and when to use his voice for others who may not have the courage to speak up.

10. I will always be here for you

No matter how much independence he seeks, a teenage boy needs to know his mom is a safe place. Reassuring him that your support is unwavering will help him feel secure as he navigates life’s challenges.

Even when life gets busy or communication shifts, he should know that you will always be there to listen, guide, and support him. This constant reassurance can shape his ability to trust and seek healthy relationships in the future.

Building Confidence Through Words

Teen boys may not always show it, but the words their moms say stay with them. By instilling confidence, kindness, and integrity, mothers can shape their sons into strong, compassionate individuals who carry these lessons into adulthood.

What’s something you wish someone had told you as a teen? Share your thoughts in the comments—let’s start a conversation about empowering young men.

Read More:

What’s Your Parenting Style?

Parenting in the Age of Doubt: Are We Losing Confidence in Our Choices?

10 Lessons Learned Since Becoming a Mom

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Rosie the Riviter as a mom

Image by WILPF

The boys’ birthday – and Mother’s Day – are just around the corner. Because of this, I have begun thinking about all of the things I have learned about myself – and life in general – over these past four years.

I also realized, some of these discoveries actually began, just as I embarked on my journey towards motherhood. For instance, I learned that when I really want something – or feel in my gut that I must do something – I will do whatever it takes to attain that goal. If I think back on events in my life, I suppose that would be true but I never realized it before — not really.

My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family a few months after we were married but soon realized — that was something we could not really control. It was during this time that I also learned, if I really want something – and I can’t get it because I really have no control over the situation – it drives me bonkers!

I read at least three books about trying to conceive, I charted my monthly cycles, joined TTC/pregnancy support group, I consumed lots of fertility tea (yes, I really did this) and I did everything I was “supposed” to be doing to ensure success!

But month after month — nothing, and nothing, and a bunch more nothing. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, or so I thought.

After trying to conceive (TTC) for almost 8 months I FINALLY got a positive pregnancy test. We were elated to say the least! However, that pregnancy wasn’t meant to be.

Back down the roller coaster we flew!

THEN, after almost 2 years we were blessed with our darling boys.

Since that day I have learned…

1. Trust my instincts

The best advice I received, was from my Mom (imagine that). I was just about to go home from the hospital and I had well-meaning nurses giving me conflicting advice. I was confused and stressed — and my hormones were totally out of whack. My Mom said, “You just do what you think is best. You are the Mom. Trust your instincts.” And so I have…it’s worked out okay this far!

2. Moms really can do anything

I have said this for years. If I ever needed anything, I would ask my Mom or one of my friends – who had kids – to help me out. Now that I’m a Mom, I realize it’s because you do what you have to do. Kids rely on their parents for so many things – especially when they are small – so if you can’t do it for them, who will? This is why, even if the request seems impossible, Moms will do whatever it takes to get it done.

3. I am stronger than I ever knew

I am stronger than I ever knew — and I am more capable than I ever imagined. When it comes to my children I will move heaven and Earth to keep them safe and give them what they need.

4. Babies do not read parenting books

Babies don’t always do what parenting books say they will but those books can provide a helpful guideline. It’s just like using GPS — you must use common sense combined with your own intuition.

5. the importance of  the “Mom Look”

It took me awhile to get it down — but it’s amazing how effective it can be.

6. Nothing compares

Although I have always loved and been loved; nothing compares to the intense love a mother has for her child.

7. Story-time before bed is as much for them as it is for me

It’s our sweet snuggle time. I love it!

8. A kiss really can fix just about any boo-boo!

It’s magic!

9. If you sneak up on geese – and surprise them – they will laugh.

This is according to A. I haven’t actually tried to see if this is true yet. It’s amazing how his brain works. The kid cracks me up all day long.

10. Just because I don’t think something is stylish — doesn’t mean it’s not in style.

This I have learned from my trendsetter son N. For about a year and a half, his feet were always covered by frog boots, for about six months he was often spotted wearing his spider-man costume OVER his footie jammies. He is particular about every piece of clothing he puts on. I think we are in trouble!

There are so many wonderful things I have learned — and I know there is much more to come! I can’t wait!!!

*I know this was a Mom centered post, I promise a really great post – for Father’s Day – to honor Dads — because you guys are SUPER important and wonderful too!!!

What are some of the things you’ve learned since becoming a parent?