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Is It Wrong to Use Santa Claus to Manipulate Children’s Behavior?

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Portrait of impressed santa claus pouted lips arms touch glasses staring cant believe midnight tree garland city center outside.

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The holiday season brings joy, festivities, and the beloved tradition of Santa Claus. Many parents invoke Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list as a way to encourage good behavior. But is using this magical figure as a behavioral tool ethically sound? This article examines the practice from multiple angles, exploring its psychological impacts, ethical considerations, and potential effects on parent-child trust. Let’s delve into whether this common tactic is ultimately beneficial or harmful.

1. The Tradition of Santa Claus and Behavioral Expectations

For generations, the story of Santa Claus has been linked with moral lessons and behavioral incentives. Children are told that good behavior brings gifts, while misbehavior leads to coal in their stockings. This narrative has been a powerful tool in shaping behavior during the holiday season. It adds a sense of magic and accountability that many find endearing. However, the ethical implications of using myth to control behavior deserve scrutiny.

2. The Psychological Impact on Children

Leveraging Santa Claus to enforce behavior can have unintended psychological consequences. Children may experience anxiety or stress over the possibility of not receiving presents if they are deemed ‘naughty.’ This fear-based approach might encourage compliance without fostering genuine moral understanding. It can also undermine intrinsic motivation, as children learn to behave well solely for external rewards. The long-term impact on emotional development is a key concern for many experts.

3. Trust and Parental Relationships

The use of Santa Claus in this manner involves an element of deception that may affect trust. When children eventually learn the truth about Santa, they might question other aspects of what their parents have told them. This revelation can lead to feelings of betrayal and diminished trust. Maintaining open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship. Balancing the magic of Santa with truthful guidance is essential to avoid long-lasting negative effects.

4. Ethical Considerations of Manipulation

Using Santa as a tool for behavior manipulation raises important ethical questions. Is it acceptable to employ a myth to control behavior, even with good intentions? This tactic may suggest that ends justify the means, potentially normalizing deceit in other areas of life. Parents must consider whether this approach aligns with the values they wish to instill. Evaluating the moral cost of such strategies is crucial for responsible parenting.

5. Alternative Approaches to Encouraging Good Behavior

adorable siblings and infant baby sitting together on couch

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Instead of relying on Santa to enforce discipline, parents can adopt strategies that build intrinsic motivation. Open discussions about values and the reasons behind rules encourage children to understand and internalize good behavior. Positive reinforcement and clear communication can be more effective and ethical. These methods promote self-discipline rather than obedience driven by fear. A balanced approach helps children develop a genuine sense of right and wrong.

Manipulating Behavior Raises Concerns

While the Santa narrative adds a magical element to the holiday season, using it as a tool to manipulate behavior raises significant concerns. Balancing enchantment with honesty is key to nurturing both good behavior and trust. Reflect on whether your approach supports genuine moral development and consider alternatives that emphasize open dialogue.

How do you incorporate Santa into your family’s traditions without relying on him as a behavioral tool? Share your insights in the comments below!

Read More:

Is It Appropriate to Bribe Children for Good Behavior?

Stop Now! 12 Behaviors That Say You’ve Crossed The Line From Discipline to Abuse

Why Santa Shouldn’t Bring Your Kids’ Best Christmas Gift

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Picture of the moon with the shadow of Santa, his sleigh, and the reindeers going across it.

My kids are all teens now—19, 15, and 13—but if I could go back in time, starting when my youngest was born, I’d make sure Santa only bought my kids lower-cost, boring gifts. Why? I have several reasons why Santa shouldn’t bring the best gift. If your children are young, hear me out and see if you agree.

When our kids were young, we didn’t have much money. We tended to get our kids practical gifts, and Santa got one big, fun, expensive gift for each child. We thought we were smart by having Santa bring only one present (we got the rest), but we erred when we had Santa bring the most expensive gift. Here’s what we learned.

Why Santa Shouldn’t Bring Your Kids Best Christmas Gift

If Santa brings the best, most expensive present every year, your kids, like ours did, may develop unrealistic impressions.

Kids Think Santa Doesn’t Have a Budget

Most kids think Santa brings them what they want, regardless of price. For instance, when my daughter was eight, she wanted a sewing machine. That was out of our price range for a present, but thanks to a Black Friday sale, I got the sewing machine she wanted at 50 percent off. Who gave her the gift? Santa. Boy, was that a big mistake.

While she understood her dad and I had a Christmas budget, she thought Santa didn’t, and in future years, she asked Santa for expensive presents, sure he could deliver. However, each year going forward, she was disappointed because she thought Santa brought her an expensive present one year, so he should be able to every Christmas.

You Should Get Credit for the Nice Presents

Besides creating unrealistic expectations by giving her that gift from Santa, her dad and I lost out on the credit for the best present she ever received. Yes, she now knows the truth about Santa, but when it comes to that gift, she still talks about how Santa gave her the best gift ever.

Kids May Feel Santa Is Unfair

Finally, if you can give expensive gifts from Santa, other kids at school who receive smaller, less costly presents from Santa may feel that Santa likes other kids better. Having Santa bring smaller gifts helps other kids avoid disappointment. Some parents even go so far as to say that Santa usually brings smaller gifts because he needs to fit so many in his sleigh.

Final Thoughts

If your kids are young now, consider the rituals you establish around gift-giving. If Santa brings the nicest present, that’s what your kids will expect year after year after year. However, if you buy all the nice gifts and Santa buys something like a $20 board game, that’s what your kids will expect. If I could do it over again with my kids, I would buy nice presents for my kids and let Santa buy the smaller ones.

Read More

Three Lessons I Learned Buying Christmas Gifts for Teens

What to Do When You’re Overspending at Christmas

Three Things You Can Do to Make Money for Christmas

How Much is Too Much? Establishing Gift Guidelines with Children

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Children Gift GuidelinesLast week at work, a lady ended up bringing her daughter with her to her dental appointment. Her daughter sat quietly over in the corner reading a book while I treated her mom. At some point the young girl, less than 8, started asking me questions. Everything from why I have a mask on to what I was doing to her mom. So I could stop answering so many questions (which all led to more ”why’s”) I started asking her questions.

Given the time of year, I asked her if she was getting excited for Christmas. She immediately brightened right up and exclaimed, yes. We started chatting about the crafts she was making in school and what she was going to ask Santa for. My daughter being only 18 month old, I was curious to know what she was asking for and what she expected to get. She explained that her mom told her that Santa only has room for three presents in his sleigh so she had to think carefully about what she wanted.

 

Setting a Present Limit With Children

I though the three present limit was a good idea. We all know how out of control children’s lists can get, which can, in turn lead to disappointment. The little girl explained that since she’s only allowed to ask for three gifts, unless they were really big, ”like a horse” she would get them, no questions asked. I thought it to be interesting to know the same parent who set the three gift rule had her daughter to believe whatever she asks for within her three gifts, except horses would be given to her.

The little girl asked for, and expects to receive an iPad, $100 cash to shop with and a new Xbox one.  What?!

Obviously I couldn’t really comment beyond, ”that’s a big list” since I wasn’t about to ask mom how she planned on doing that but to me, this list seems crazy to me. Again, I only have one child who is very young but she will not be raised to believe that Santa or mom and dad, will be providing close to $1,000 worth of gifts.

Even if you’re not a religious person, my opinion is that Christmastime is meant to be a time of year when we slow down, reflect on what we have, share gifts with ones we love, and reminisce. Simplify our lives for a few days, enjoy good food, bake cookies from scratch and focus on building memories, not things. I think it’s important that if you’ve decided to make gifts apart of your Christmas tradition, guidelines, or rules be set in place. The earlier you start the easier it will be.

 

Setting Realistic Gift Guidelines

Guidelines for not going overboard with gifts may include:

  • Setting a gift limit. Either in volume or price. If you set a three gift limit from Santa make sure they understand they are realistic with it. If you think it’s appropriate that they ask for a $400 gaming console, make sure they know the couldn’t possibly ask for both an iPad and cash as well. For older children, let them know early on that mom and dad have a Christmas budget to work with and they may not get everything they want.
  • Get them involved. Have your children help you shop. Have them shop with you for another family member and let them know the budget. Have them learn what that money can buy. This will help them have a better understanding of what they can ask for and what they may receive.
  • Open discussion. Especially with younger children, who’s understanding is still very much forming, help them with things like writing their letters to Santa. Explain that they may not be able to get everything they ask for.
  • Gift swap. This works especially well in larger families. Everyone draw someone’s name and you’re only responsible for gifts for that one person.
  • Reminders. It’s so easy to get caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. Remind your kids, and self, on a daily basis what the true meaning is (which may vary between individuals an families). Memories,not things.

I have had very sparse Christmases (in terms of gifts) and had years with more gifts that imaginable. I never feel any different about the season. I was taught early about the real meaning and to hold onto memories as much as I can. Learning to enjoy the simpler things in life will go a long way, even when Christmas is over for the year.

What are your thoughts on setting realistic gift guidelines?

Santa Claus and Children

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santa claus and kidsWhat is it about Christmas that just brings out such glee in kids?  Is it the wonderful, beautiful lights that festoon every lamppost or anything upright for that matter?  Is it the entry of seasonal, very delicious meals?   For kids, Christmas time is Santa time! The moment my tree comes out of hiding at home, my kids automatically do their own short versions of Balki Bartokomous’s ‘Dance of Joy’ (age hint here).  It is such a funny thing to see and truly the excitement from them is fantastic.  Then the pressure sets in and I start to feel all the responsibility attached with Santa Claus and making sure they have a memorable Christmas.

Where Did Santa Claus Come From?

This year, I started to think about this tradition.  What is it really?  Where did it come from?  And how do I divert the seemingly mindless consumerism of the idea of Santa Claus to what Christmas should truly mean?  I did some research first (naturally) and this is what I found.

Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, and simply “Santa”, is a figure with legendary, historical and folkloric aspects who, in many western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve, December 24.[1] The modern figure was derived from the Dutch figure of Sinterklaas, which, in turn, may have part of its basis in hagiographical tales concerning the historical figure of gift giver Saint Nicholas…Santa Claus is generally depicted as a plump, jolly, white-bearded man wearing a red coat with white collar and cuffs, white-cuffed red trousers, and black leather belt and boots (images of him rarely have a beard with no mustache)… According to a tradition which can be traced to the 1820s, Santa Claus lives at the North Pole, with a large number of magical elves, and nine (originally eight) flying reindeer. Since the 20th century, in an idea popularized by the 1934 song “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”, Santa Claus has been believed to make a list of children throughout the world, categorizing them according to their behavior (“naughty” or “nice”) and to deliver presents, including toys, and candy to all of the good boys and girls in the world, and sometimes coal to the naughty children, on the single night of Christmas Eve. He accomplishes this feat with the aid of the elves who make the toys in the workshop and the reindeer who pull his sleigh. (Wikipedia)

Basically, it appears that the current tradition of Santa Claus and gift-giving is in fact a mix of ancient Greek folklore, Germanic Paganism, and Dutch folklore.  The figure of Santa Claus can be derived from a combination of the Greek Saint Nicholas of Myra, a Christian saint known for giving generously to the poor, who is also the basis of the Dutch Sinterklaas, and the Germanic god Odin who was known to ride his eight-legged horse Sleipnir over great distances and giving gifts to children who would leave carrots and treats for his horse to nibble on as he passed their chimneys.  Sinterklass is a stately old man who gives gifts to well-behaved children, and Odin is known as an old man with a long white beard.  Over the centuries, all these figures appear to have merged together to become the Santa Claus of today.  Of course, thanks to Coca Cola, we have the ubiquitous jolly, round, old man with a long white beard, in a bright red suit.

Where To Focus This Year

All in all, the main theme of what are the supposed origins of the current tradition is giving and this is what I want to focus on this year.  I am trying to teach my kids that this is the season for giving- giving to the people you love as an expression of love, to your friends as an expression of friendship, and not so much in expectation of something in return.  I have started asking them what they want to give their friends and cousins and aunts and have tried to tell them that it does not matter what they get if they get gifts and that the important thing is that they are able to show friends and family their love and friendship. Now, I don’t want them to be too materialistic so I tell them that they don’t need to buy anything expensive to show how they feel and that they can make their gifts too.  Of course, I don’t want to be a complete Scrooge and take away the joy of wishing for favorite toys so I have also asked them to make their list to Santa but I have told them that he won’t be able to give everything on the list because he has to give other children gifts too and that it is still great if he gives them one or two from their list, to which they expressed satisfaction.

What do you guys think?  Too Scrooge-y or over-thought? What are some of your thoughts about the meaning of Christmas, beyond the lights and the commercialism of it all?

The Magic and Meaning of Christmas

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The spirit of Christmas

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I can still remember the anticipation I felt – as a child – waiting for Santa. My brother would usually wake up first – several times actually; 10pm, 12am, 2am, then finally at 5am — I would get up with him. I don’t think that kid even slept a wink; he was just so excited.

We had to wait until 6am to wake our Mom up though. It seemed like that hour took forever. Thank goodness our stockings were always right outside our bedroom doors, so we would go through those while we waited.

When I think back to some of my favorite Christmases; I can still feel the butterflies of excitement, the thrill of discovering I had received my most wished for gift and how happy I was to read the letter that Santa had left for me – ME!

Even though I can still tap into those feelings and the excitement of that time – part of me – wasn’t sure I really wanted to do the whole Santa thing with the boys. I really never expressed this to anyone (they would surely think I had lost my mind), and it’s hard to explain how someone – who loves everything about Christmas – could even consider, not allowing her children the same magical experience that she had, growing up.

Of course, Santa does visit our house, and this year the boys are over the moon with excitement. It’s amazing to see how everything is really clicking for them this year but — it again got me thinking, “Is Santa really a good thing to do? Does it take away from the true meaning of Christmas? Is it confusing them?  How can I tell them lying is wrong, when here I am doing it?”

It’s been hard for me to really explain how we go from; “Santa visits you and brings you toys” to “We are celebrating Jesus’ birthday.” If it’s hard for me to figure out how to explain it, you can imagine how hard it would be for a preschool age child to understand it. Clearly — I needed to learn more.

The story of the first Santa

So, I decided to go in search of the first Santa – St. Nicholas.

I was very happy to discover a web site devoted to St. Nicholas. The St. Nicolas Center was able to really connect the dots for me. It showed me how I could incorporate Santa (which represents the spirit of giving) without feeling like I was taking away from the true meaning of Christmas; which if course is to celebrate God’s greatest gift — the birth of Jesus Christ.

To gain a better appreciation – and more understanding – of this wonderful man; I encourage you to visit the site yourself. There is a lot of great information to be gleaned from this web site and many activities geared toward children as well.

I can now explain to the boys that St. Nicholas was a man who loved Jesus very, very much! He loved Jesus so much that he decided to follow His teachings, and rid himself of all his worldly possessions. St. Nick was a kind and generous man who lived to make people happy, to protect children, and to provide for those in need.

St. Nicholas represents the spirit of giving — and there is the magic. When we give gifts out of love instead of obligation — that is when we can be joyful and experience the thrill and delight that the season brings.

Connecting Jesus to gift giving

Jesus is the meaning and the true reason for the Christmas season.

Deuteronomy 16:17
Every man shall give as he is able, according to the blessing of the LORD your God which He has given you.

Teaching children to give and give with love, is link that connects Santa and our Savior.

What does Christmas mean to you?