Twin Parenting Archives | Kids Ain't Cheap

As I have mentioned many times — I’m a Mom of twin boys and I absolutely love it! I have never minded the attention that has come because of our double blessing. I think most parents of twins agree that it’s fun (as long as you aren’t in a big hurry) and you get to talk to a lot of nice people.

When the boys were babies, people would stop to talk to us wherever we went. I suppose it’s hard to miss someone walking by with a double stroller that contains two precious, rosy cheeked babies. Some of the most common questions we were asked – and still get – are:

Are they twins?
Are they identical?
Which one was born first?
Do twins run in your family?
How far apart are they?
What are their names?

I honestly don’t mind answering questions about the boys — and I haven’t really been offended by any we’ve been asked (not yet anyway). Some inquiries seem a tiny bit personal, but I have those types of answers all prepared. I’m a people person – and I’m also pretty easy going – so it hasn’t ever bothered me too much. My husband used to get a little annoyed with the “Are they twins” question when the boys were babies. He always wanted to say “No, they are triplets but we left one at home.” He never said that though. Of course, now when people ask us if the boys are twins – I don’t really blame them because they don’t look a like. Actually, A. is usually an inch and a half, to two inches taller than N. — always has been.

The fact of the matter is, twins and other multiples are fascinating to a lot of folks. They were always interesting to me, and I guarantee you I asked some silly questions. This is why I thought if I gave you some information about twins — it could help you out when approaching these families.

Facts about twins

Here are is a quick fact about twins that you might find very helpful — especially if you don’t know a lot about them.

What is the difference between fraternal and identical twins?

Our boys are fraternal, which means are as different as any other set of siblings — they just happen to be born at the same time. Fraternal twins occur because of a double ovulation; two separate eggs and fertilized separately. Sometimes when people stop us to ask if the boys are twins, they seem surprised and say, “Well, they don’t look alike.” Not all twins look alike they can actually look very different. One such example would be boy/girl twins — now that’s different! I know some people who have b/g twins who get asked frequently if they are identical — I think I may have asked this question myself before. The answer is always no and here’s why.

Identical twins are a result of one egg and one fertilization — what happens is, the egg splits. These twins will look very much alike because they share the same DNA. This is why b/g twins can’t possibly be identical. When identical twins are infants – and even as they grow – it may be very difficult for people to tell them apart. However there are certain markings, mannerisms and other subtle differences that can help. Of course, it is important t remember that just because these twins look the same on the outside; they are still different people.

Questions and Comments to Avoid

Even well meaning people can make comments without thinking things through. Some of the most common comments that parents of twins get – and you should avoid saying – are:

“Looks like double trouble.”

If I had a nickle for every time I heard this, I’d have enough money saved up to send both boys to college. People say it because it’s a catchy rhyme I guess — but I would suggest saying something like “Looks like a double blessing” or “You’ve got double the joy.” These positive comments go over much better with parents of twins. I have had people say these things to me and I appreciated it.

“How do you do it?”

To which I say — “I just do it.”

“Better you than me!”

Yes — I agree!

“Oh, he must be the smart one.”

Uh…yeah…they are both very smart, thank you very much.

“Your kids are both cute, but she is much prettier.”

This wasn’t said to my kids — but a stranger did say this to a twin mommy friend of mine. I was shocked when she told me, but what made it worse was that her six year old girls heard the whole conversation. Since that time I have read several posts from other moms who have had the same experience. The sad thing is – many times – it’s family members who will say it and even do so in front of the kids.

“Did you have an IVF (in vitro fertilization) done?”

Before I answer, may I ask how your children were conceived?

“Do twins run in your family?”

Yes, and usually in different directions…haha! I actually just saw this on a t-shirt but I’m totally using this next time someone asks. This question is a more polite way of asking someone if they used fertility treatments to conceive their twins. Before asking this question, I recommend getting to know the person a little better first.

As I said before, I know people mean well. We’ve all said silly things – without completely thinking things through – at one time or another. I know I have done it many times. Nobody’s perfect…

Got twins? What are some things you wish people knew about them? Don’t have twins but have a question you’ve been wanting to ask?

When buying gifts for twins – often times – people are confused about what to get. Do you buy a gift for each child or one gift for both? Do you give them both a card, or is one card just fine? If your child is invited to a birthday party by one twin, do you need to get a gift for the other one? These are questions – that I honestly never thought about – until I had twins. Buying gifts for twins can be a daunting task for some but it really doesn’t have to be. You just need to keep a few things in mind as you plan your shopping trip.

Twins Are Not Clones

Just because two people share a birthday and may look exactly alike; doesn’t necessarily mean they enjoy the same things. A good rule of thumb is, unless they have requested the exact same item; try to get them something different. If they have the same interests, you can always get them something similar but maybe a different version. Keep in mind that it’s not about spending a lot of money. You know the saying, “It’s the thought that counts,” well — that really is true. When you take the time to personalize the gift – by learning what each child’s individual interests are – you make them each feel special and important.

Now, let’s talk about cards. Do you really need to get a card for each child or can you get one card and address it to both? If the card contains a gift, doing a card for each child is the best idea; then you can write a special message to each one. Also, think about it this way – if the children were not born on the same day – would you be sending separate cards for each? If the answer is “yes,” then you’ll want to give two cards.

You Don’t Have to Spend a Lot

Twins spend a lot of time with each other; so give them the gift of some one-on-one time with you. Scheduling a special outing of some kind with each twin, is a great way to honor each one’s unique personality. Maybe one twin loves animals and one loves airplanes — one weekend you can have an outing to the zoo with the animal lover and the next weekend you can go to the air museum with the other child.

Another fun thing you can do is to take a day for each twin — make their favorite lunch and do an activity of their choice. It might be playing a board game or video game, looking at old pictures, a trip to the park or the library, or whatever else they want to do that day. It’s nice for each one to have a little time, when they don’t have to share or compromise. Of course, those are good lessons and just a part of life but for twins — they have been doing that from the beginning. It’s really is nice for them to have things their way, even if it’s just for a few hours.

Twin Birthday Parties

Do you need to buy a gift for each twin, if your child only knows one of them? This is something I honestly never thought about. Since our boys are in the same preschool class, they share all of the same friends, but often times – as twins get older – they are placed in different classes in school and may develop friendships with kids, who their sibling doesn’t even know. If your child is only being invited by one twin, it will usually be noted on the invitation. Many times the parents of the twins will also write on the invite that you shouldn’t feel obligated to bring a gift for the twin, who your child doesn’t know.

It is definitely a nice gesture to bring a little something for the other twin even if your child doesn’t know them very well, but certainly not necessary.

I hope I was able to clear up any questions you might have about giving gifts to twins. If you have any questions comments or ideas to share, I would love to hear them!

Have you ever bought gifts for twins? Any advice I missed?

Tips for Approaching Parents of Twins